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Savannah Scott Romcom Author

Are you the safe haven your children need you to be

June 11, 2018 By Patty 2 Comments

11 Jun

The past week has been filled with work on my next book, “Slow Down, Mama!” as well as a sweet trip to the coast and Los Angeles.  I had the privilege (and stress) of being the speaker at a high-school graduation.  I love sharing my heart through public speaking.  Somehow, even though I know no one remembers what was said at their commencement (unless the talk was given by J. K. Rowling or Steve Jobs, or by a Navy Seal Admiral about making your bed), I still got the jitters as I prepared to share with this group.

After the graduation ceremony, I had the rest of the day open.  I decided to take Highway One down the coast to Los Angeles.  The lovely drive included stops at a few beaches for walks and some seafood.  Once in LA, I settled into my Airbnb back cottage on a tree-lined street in the foothills.  About a third of a mile from where I stayed I found a quaint village with shops including a Patisserie and a Cucina.  Lovely.  I spent about four hours of uninterrupted writing time nestled on the couch with the windows open.

Let’s Talk About Shame (or Not)

Throughout the drive I had my current audiobook on the car stereo.  I’m listening to Brene Brown’s talk, The Power of Vulnerability.  I have to warn you in advance that this book may induce a life-quake.  She’s talking candidly (with a few choice expletives dribbled throughout her speech) about shame and grief.  I have my Masters in Marriage and Family Therapy.  Beyond that, for a season in my 20s I pretty much made seeing therapists a pastime.  I pick expensive and not-so-fun hobbies, I know.  You understand I’m no stranger to the concept of shame.  I’ve come a long way, and yet, as I listen to Brene Brown, I feel like someone walked in on me while I was peeing in the Starbucks restroom – as in, “Um, yeah, this is awkward.”  I feel exposed and unable to escape what is being revealed. 

Yep.  Summer fun at its best.

At this point, you may ask yourself why I would even carry on with this book.  Burn it; forget it; buy a slimming swimsuit and drink something with lemon in it over ice.  It’s summer after all.  Have some fun.  Save shame exploration for a more suitable season, like winter.  Truthfully, there is no good season to look at the fact that you experience shame and you beget it in others.  I mean who wants to do all that soul searching, really?

Wholehearted Living

Here’s the deal.  I have come to realize something pretty important.  My goal in life includes being intentional.  Though that word trends in books and courses these days, it still means something special to me.  I want to live a life of purpose, making the most important relationships, values and choices central.  In order to grow into intentional living, I have to be freed of gunk standing in the way.

Brene Brown emphasizes “wholehearted” living.  One of the qualities of a wholehearted person is that they have a deep sense of their own worth and lovability, and they feel they belong.  As I started pondering her research and the distilled lessons she shared, my mind traveled to motherhood (of course). 

I started asking myself about shame in parenting.  Am I conveying to my children at a deep level that they are valuable and intrinsically belong in this world, in our family, and to God?  This thought alone could start a spiral of shame, but I watched for that.  I want to really explore what I’m doing and where I’m missing the mark.  It seems to me mothers ought to be the safest place on earth for their children. 

No Perfect Parents

A while back I wrote about the overarching message we are sending our children.   I’m acutely aware of two things.  One is I will leave gaps in my children’s lives and hearts.  It’s inevitable that I will parent imperfectly – even hurting my children in big ways sometimes.  The other truth I know is that God will fill in the gaps I leave.   I am grateful to know both these truths. 

I want to remind myself and you of this before we go into the ways we can increasingly become sources of security and affirmation for our children.  Otherwise, we may just turn on our perfection engines and head off trying to do this perfectly, which ironically produces mass quantities of shame every time we fall short.  So, let’s be done with all that waste of time and energy and just realize we’re going to grow and do better, but never ever be perfect.  

I have thought of a few key things I think we can do as moms to make our children feel safe and loved:

Cherish Your Child

Our children are precious and we have limited time with them.  To cherish them we need to be present in the moment, loving them as is.  One way I’m doing this is to fast from social media for the summer so I can fill water balloons, hand out popsicles, run through sprinklers and take spontaneous road trips.   

Listening and Sharing Thoughts and Emotions

Wholehearted living involves making a place where we can speak honestly to one another.  Recently my son has been trying on some disrespectful tones.  This morning I sat with him and said, “Rather than issue a consequence, I’d rather talk about some solutions.”  As I made room to listen to him, we had a good heart to heart.  He shared his frustration and even his anger at some things.  He candidly gave me feedback as a mom.  I didn’t get defensive or cut him off.  I heard him out and we talked about how to improve the situation.   

Kind and Firm Limits

Children need healthy boundaries.  The best limits are set with a kind and loving tone while being firm and predictable.  If we are too kind, our children learn to manipulate and see us as pushovers.  If we are too firm, we lose their hearts as we demand compliance.  True obedience is rooted in love and a desire to please.  When we take fear out of the equation, we allow our children the room to choose to obey.  In last week’s post, I talked about the reason children need to learn from healthy consequences.  Love includes good, balanced discipline which ultimately leads to our children feeling very safe with us.  

Leave Yourself Margin

In our busy world, we can end up going at the speed of light with overcommitment.  Often our family gets the dregs when we live a frazzled life.  Then we are not the mom they need.  Good motherhood takes time and sacrifice.  To be present and patient we need to leave some margin in our schedule so we can give our children our best. 

Heal Your Own Heart

Parenting is joy and parenting is hard work.  In order to be a safe place for our children, we need to heal our own hearts.  This may involve some mentoring or therapy to be free from what encumbers us.  Then we can send our children the vital message: you are lovable and you belong.


Can I bless you as a mom? 

I’d love to support you in your motherhood.  I’d also love to have you join PattyHScott.com so I can send you my weekly letter of encouragement and inspiration as well as including you in specials and freebies when I offer those.  Would you give me the privilege of pouring into your motherhood?  

Yes, Please!

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Filed Under: Parenting

About Patty

I write to encourage your heart, feed your soul, and give you wisdom for your life. Motherhood is my passion. I've been married to my surfer/skater husband for over 20 years.  We have two boys and a home full of neighbor kids most days.

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Comments

  1. Dawn says

    June 13, 2018 at 3:39 PM

    I loved so much about this, Patty! Well-said, my friend!

    Reply
    • Patty says

      June 13, 2018 at 9:54 PM

      Dawn, I’m so very glad. Thanks, as always, for faithfully leaving me feedback.

      Reply

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Hi, I’m Savannah …

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Ahhhh … enemies to more. 🔥 The banter is so f Ahhhh … enemies to more. 🔥
The banter is so fun!

Chris and Ella Mae start out getting on one another’s nerves … then, due to completely unexpected circumstances, they end up fake dating … and then they drive one another crazy in a whole different sense of the phrase 😉🥰

Ripped & Shipped comes out early May. I’m about 🤏 close to finishing it and sending it to my editor.

ARC Team sign ups will be coming for ebooks on Saturday (Apr 1). Paperback team is already selected and will be getting a welcome email by this weekend. 

We are going to have so much fun launching this book! I can’t even tell you the feelings I have … wrapping up this first Bordeaux series, writing this story that’s full of heart, and laughs, and kisses that make you grab a glass of ice water and fan yourself. 🔥😘🧊💦🫠

I’m so grateful you’re along for the ride. There aren’t words for the sweetness of sharing the Getting Shipped series with you. 💕

(And I’ve been loosely plotting the next series and getting excited as I start writing the Love Trippin’ books.) 💕

Do you love enemies to lovers?
Fake dating? 
Let me know … 

#wipwednesday #workinprogress #amwritingromance #amwritingromcom
#romcombooks #sweetromcom #closeddoorromance #closeddoorromcom
#savannahscott #savannahscottauthor #bordeauxohio #bordeauxohioforever #newrelease #gettingshipped #gettingshippedseries #lovestories #rippedandshipped #chellamaebae #rippedandshippedbook #bookstagrammers #bookstagram #romcom #romancereadersofinstagram #romcomreadersofinstagram #bookexcerpt #shippers #Imashipper #Smalltownromance #ohiolove #smalltownromancebooks
Okay. So. Yes, we are still waiting for Ripped & Okay. So. 
Yes, we are still waiting for Ripped & Shipped to come out and be in your happy little hands on May 1st. 

But, authors are always (usually) a book ahead of the readers. 

And, this time, I’m a whole series ahead. 

I’m thinking about “Are We There Yet?” It’s the first book in the Love Trippin’ series. 

Four people from Bordeaux (yes!!) are traveling to California where the next series takes place. 

This first book takes place over a road trip (after a few chapters in Bordeaux, and before the later chapters in Cali).

So, I want to plan this road trip!
Im a road-tripper, and I grew up spending summers traveling from state to state with my family. 

I know my road trip stories. 
I want to hear YOURS! 
Leave it in the comments or DM me. 🚗🌳🚧🏔️

I’m not going to use your exact story, of course. But, if your story inspires something in the book, I’ll send you a free sticker and bookmark when “Are We There Yet” releases this summer. 

I’m so excited to share this new series with you!

#lovetrippin #lovetrippinseries #savannahscottauthor #savannahscott #romcombooks #sweetromcom #sweetromance #closeddoorromance #closeddoorromcom #romcombooksaremyweakness #romcomreadersofinstagram #romancereadersofinstagram #bookstagram #roadtrippin #roadtripromance #roadtrippin #arewethereyet #arewethereyetbook
Writing retreat A few days on the central coast. Writing retreat 

A few days on the central coast. 

Views. 
Good food. 
Sweet conversation 
Getting so close to finishing Ripped & Shipped. 

Dreaming about the next series. 
Thinking about how to bless moms and women 

#writingretreat #amwriting #amwritingromance #amwritingromcom #romcomauthor #romcomreadersofinstagram #romancereadersofinstagram #bookstagram #sweetromcom #closeddoorromcom #savannahscott #savannahscottauthor #gettingshipped #gettingshippedseries #cambriacalifornia #centralcoast #slocounty #moonstonebeach
Would the Rob & Laura fans raise your hands? 🙋🏼‍♀️

My husband and I are listening to the audiobook of Battleshipped together right now. It takes us forever because: life. But, it’s been fun to revisit their story. 

If you love a slightly geeky leading man, a strong female lead with a loyal heart and a persevering spirit, Battleshipped is for you. 

If you love second chance romcom with a dash of enemies to more, Battleshipped has all the “working hard to win her heart back” vibes. 

If you love laughing out loud until people look at you funny while you read. Yeah. There are those scenes. 

If you love a found-family friend group, and a quirky small town that will win your heart, come to Bordeaux. 

QOTD: Do you love when a brainy male lead becomes your book boyfriend? Which brainy male characters have stolen your heart? 

#battleshipped #battleshippedbook #bookexcerpt #gettingshipped #gettingshippedseries #savannahscott #savannahscottauthor #smalltownromancebooks #sweetromcom #closeddoorromcom #secondchanceromance #goatsgoatsgoats #bordeauxohio #bookboyfriend #romancereadersofinstagram #romcomreadersofinstagram #ohiolove #bookstagram #bookstagrammers
Is it Wednesday? Um no. No it is not. But, do y Is it Wednesday? 
Um no. No it is not. 

But, do you still want this #WIPWednesday teaser from Ripped & Shipped? Why yes, yes you do. 

I’ll tell y’all. This book is coming along. And it is scrum-diddly-umptious. 

We’re talking banterrrrrr!
And all the swoony enemy vibes. 

And then they start faking! 
What? yasssss. They fake. The enemies start to fake a romance. 

Then … a completely unexpected and sweeeet friendship develops. 

But, ruh-roh. One of them catches feelings (just quoting Duke here). 

And it gets so HOT ( in a very closed-door way) and so HEARTFELT. 

This story is special. It’s the last in Bordeaux. So I’m pouring it all out into this book. 

You’ve got Memaw, Esther, and Mabel. 
The Bordeaux friend group. 
Lulabelle 
Ella Mae
Cooter
And so much more. 

I’m not kidding when I say this may be my fave in series. 

And you know what it means when I say I’m about 3/4 done writing? Yep. I just might release this story in May … ARC Team wannabes, lace up your running shoes. I’ll be posting opportunities to join the few open spots the first week of April. ❤️

Wait til you see the cover, too. Gah. I love it!! 

#rippedandshipped #workinprogress #amwriting
#amwritingromance #amwritingromcom
#romcombooks #sweetromance #sweetromcom
#closeddoorromance #closeddoorromcom
#savannahscott #savannahscottauthor #bordeauxohio
#bordeauxohioforever #bookcoverdesign #newrelease
#ilovemyreaders #gettingshipped
#gettingshippedseries #lovestories
#chellamaebae #comehomeellamae
#rippedandshippedbook #bookstagrammers
#bookstagram #romancereadersofinstagram
#romcomreadersofinstagram #bookexcerpt
Heyyyyy ARC Team! If you were on the ARC team fo Heyyyyy ARC Team! 

If you were on the ARC team for Cruiseshipped, our exclusive ARC Team only book chat is coming!

Tomorrow (Thursday March 23) at 5p PT we’ll be gathering on zoom to talk about Cruiseshipped. 

I’m so grateful to each one of you for reading, sharing, and reviewing Cruiseshipped. ❤️ 

So … mark your calendars and set your alarms (and a countdown is in my stories!) and let’s talk all things Brooks + Gabby ❤️🚢💃🏻

#cruiseshipped #cruiseshippedbook #savannahscott #savannahscottauthor #gettingshipped #gettingshippedseries #arcteamperks #bookchat #buddyread #ilovemyreaders #authorchat
Well, I’m back with another #mememonday and this Well, I’m back with another #mememonday and this one is featuring one of my favorite movies EVER: The Princess Bride!

Which slide do you like best? 

And … aside from posting here today, I’m writing! Ripped & Shipped (Chris’ story) is halfway done! 

I’m on a roll now, and my family is going to an amusement park for the day (without me), so I’m alone with Bella and my laptop. 

Then, this weekend, I’ve got a writing retreat. The final book in the Getting Shipped series is going to be written! 

Not saying we won’t have some novellas down the road … mayyyybe we could. (Who would you want to see in a Getting Shipped novella?)

I hope your Monday is GREAT!!

#bookmemes #bookishmemes #princessbride #asyouwish #amwriting #amwritingromcom #romcomauthor #sweetromcom #closeddoorromcom #romancereadersofinstagram #romcomreadersofinstagram #savannahscottauthor #gettingshipped #rippedandshipped #gettingshippedseries
#mawwage #bookstagram #bookstagrammers #bookishcommunity
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