• Home
  • Get Savannah’s Weekly Email!
  • Get to Know Savannah
  • Get Your Book Swag
  • My account
  • Cart
    • Facebook
    • Instagram
    • Pinterest
    • Twitter

Savannah Scott Romcom Author

Why learning the hard way is the best for your children

June 4, 2018 By Patty 2 Comments

4 Jun

I don’t usually gravitate towards controversy.  Insert a picture of a turtle retreated into his shell until all the mayhem and danger has passed.  I spent way too many years in a family prone to conflict to really desire to battle things out with people.  So, come election time, I quietly slip into the booth, punch my card, and proceed to avoid Facebook conversations about who did what and why this person is the saving grace our nation has been waiting to inaugurate.  I appreciate others’ passion for their own opinions, even when they differ from mine.  I avoid battlegrounds … unless they warrant my comments.

That said, something happened this week in a parenting group on Facebook.  A man posted this comment:

Have you ever heard a parent say, “Well, I guess he or she will just have to learn their lesson the hard way.” I have, and it always makes me cringe because the hard way can be far more than you bargained for.  I encourage you, speak the truth to your children and then do whatever you can to stand between them and behaviors that could result in a devastating consequence.

photo courtesy of hal gatewood

He went on to describe how letting our children learn by burning themselves on a hot flame would be excessively cruel.  He said when his kids were teens, they checked that parents were home whenever their adolescents went to a party at someone else’s home.

When a Response Is Needed

I prayed.  Finally, I responded:

I want to clarify if you are suggesting we shield our children from natural consequences. The example of a hot flame is an extreme situation. Of course, we need to shield them from life-threatening choices. Checking as to whether parents are present at a teen party is prudent. I don’t relate that to “learning the hard way.” That’s simply providing support and ensuring your teen has a safe environment where they won’t be left with more temptation than they can bear.

I believe there are numerous situations where children need to feel the outcome of their choices. Often this is the only way they will learn. God’s design often involves us learning from the outcomes of our choices. This is biblical. Could you clarify for me?

In response to me, this well-meaning man answered that he thinks we are intended to learn from others’ examples and mistakes.  What do those “others” learn from?  Are they not people, learning the hard way?  Why should they suffer and so we can be spared?  He pointed to the Bible and stated that all those examples were there for us to learn from so we don’t make the same mistakes.  While we can learn from mistakes of others, and we should if we are able, we will all sin and make bad choices, and those choices have outcomes designed to help us choose well next time.

photo courtesy of camile minouflet

The Beauty of Consequences

I’m the parent of two boys and we have fostered and cared for others.  One of my sons is what I will call a “reasonable” child.  He does tend to often take in lessons by watching others and deciding not to do what they have done.  My other son could be the poster child for strong-will.  He won’t learn by example, lecture, or good ideas.  He has to road test all theories.  When he comes up against a “that won’t work” situation, his next thought is usually something like, “That won’t work for most people, but I think I can get around this and make it work for me.”  Then he proceeds to either beat the odds or bang his head repeatedly until he finally relents.

Even my reasonable child has to experience both natural and logical consequences to his choices.  Let me give you a simple example.  To say my son is messy would be an understatement.  He leaves a trail that would make Hansel and Gretel envious.  Everywhere he goes there are empty yogurt cups with spoons in them, pieces of art projects, toys and socks in the yard, church papers in the car, music books on the floor.  You don’t have to be Sherlock Holmes to track this boy and deduce what he ate and where he went.  The I-Spy books could do a photo shoot in his bedroom most days.

photo courtesy of marcus spiske

Our Mistake

My husband and I are both relatively tidy people.  We clean up messes in the moment.  Our home tends to be organized.  I’ve noticed we both unconsciously pick up items and return them to the proper spot as we go through the home.  Consider my son.  All his life as he dropped and left this or that around, someone innately came behind him and picked it up out of a habit of orderliness.  What was he learning?  The lesson was: If I leave a mess, others will pick it up.  Uh-oh.

So, we put a few things in place through the years.  The first is “clean sweep.”  Several times a day, I’ll announce, “Clean Sweep!” and all the kids (even visiting neighbors who practically live at my home most days) will run around putting everything back in its place.  Whew.  The other is the Saturday box.  If things are left out, I pick them up, put them in my closet (there used to be a box there.  Now I just shove them under a chair.)  My child can get the items back the coming Saturday.  The third thing we do is to inconvenience our son with his own messes.  If he left a mess, he has to stop playing outdoors or in his room, come clean it up and then go back to playing.  My husband and I have to restrain ourselves from the knee-jerk (and easier) way of cleaning up the mess for him.

photo courtesy of kamal bilal

Learning from Mistakes

Guess what?  He’s learning to clean up more and more.  It’s not perfect, but he’s getting there.  If we didn’t allow him to “feel” the outcome of his messes, he wouldn’t care one iota and we’d be left in the wake of his piled up mess every day.

This example is simple, but it makes the point.  Children need to engage with the outcomes of their choices.  One of the best gifts God has given all of us is the ability to learn from our mistakes.  Choices have consequences.  Every decision leads in a direction.  Our children learn responsibility best, not through our words, but through their own experience.

Share
Pin
Tweet
Share

Filed Under: Parenting

About Patty

I write to encourage your heart, feed your soul, and give you wisdom for your life. Motherhood is my passion. I've been married to my surfer/skater husband for over 20 years.  We have two boys and a home full of neighbor kids most days.

« When you are drowning, it’s absolutely time to cut back
Are you the safe haven your children need you to be »

Comments

  1. Dawn says

    June 6, 2018 at 5:09 PM

    I am so stealing your “Clean Sweep” idea! Great post!

    Reply
    • Patty says

      June 6, 2018 at 6:10 PM

      Thanks, Dawn! I realized after writing this that it was like a post within a post. My point – that children learn (we all do) from experience and consequence, was layered within a story about how to teach your adorable, yet messy, children to be more responsible. It’s a two-for-one day at hearts homeward! 😉 … I am so grateful for you. Hope clean sweep helps you!

      Reply

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Hi, I’m Savannah …

I’m a Zumba dancing, coffee sipping, road tripping girl and I love writing closed-door romcom!

My stories make you laugh, smile, and sometimes keep you up past your bedtime chanting the famous reader mantra, “just one more chapter.”

I hope you find your next sweet escape in one of my books.

You can read more about me on my “Get to Know Savannah” page.

I love hearing from you! Sign up for my weekly email, join my reader group on Facebook, or follow me on Instagram so we can connect more often.

Want to talk books, books, books?

I'd love to bless you with my weekly sweet reader email!

Please wait...

Thank you for signing up!

I’d love to connect with you on Social Media …

  • Facebook
  • Instagram
  • YouTube
Woooo hoooo! We’ve got winners! That’s right. Woooo hoooo! 
We’ve got winners!
That’s right. 
TWO WINNERS. 💜

Congrats to @tesshomelibrary and @spinmeastorybook 

You each won a paperback copy of CruiseShipped! 

CruiseShipped is a forced-proximity, vacation romcom with a hot fireman and a sassy, spirited event planner. 

40 Midwesterners take a wedding cruise together. What could possibly go wrong? 

Brooks & Gabriela met years ago. They saw one another once since then and spent a day together they’ll never forget. When they wind up on the same cruise, their attraction is as strong as ever. But they live in different cities. How will they find their happily ever after? 

And for those of you who didn’t win, stay tuned. We’re doing a Friendshipped-themed Box-o-Bordeaux giveaway next week! 

#cruiseshipped #cruiseshippedbook #gettingshipped #gettingshippedseries #savannahscott #savannahscottauthor #romcombooks #sweetromcom #closeddoorromance #closeddoorromcom #summerreading #bordeauxohio #bordeauxohioforever #smalltownromance #beachromancebooks #travelromance #forcedproximityromance #puertoricanstories #latinaromancebooks #bookstagram #bookstagrammers #shippers #Imashipper #romcom #romcomreadersofinstagram #smalltownromancebooks
Here we are … another #wipwednesday Only six m Here we are … another #wipwednesday 

Only six more until this book is out in the world. 

You guys! 
Riley and Cam are so awesome. This road trip is iconic, fun, sometimes deep. 

Cam is downright oblivious. 
And then … he starts to feel things.

Riley has crushed on Cameron for years. He’s her best friend’s older brother. Totally off limits. 

A week on the road driving from Ohio to California has them in forced proximity. 

How long can they resist what’s building between them? 

#arewethereyet #arewethereyetbook #lovetrippin #lovetrippinseries #savannahscottauthor #closeddoorromance #closeddoorromcom #sweetromcom #roadtripromance #comingofagebook #route66roadtrip #bookexcerpt #amwritingromcom #bookstagram #romancereadersofinstagram #romcomreadersofinstagram
CruiseShipped is on Audiobook! If you’re looki CruiseShipped is on Audiobook! 

If you’re looking for the perfect summer read, get away to the Caribbean with forty midwersterners and a couple whose kisses will melt your flip flops. 

You’ll laugh
You’ll swoon
You’ll want to pack your bags. 
The HEA will make you smile so big. 

He’s a fireman from a small town. 
She’s a spirited, sexy event planner from Boston. 
They met years ago. 
Now they happen to be on the same cruise for a week. 
They want so much more, but they’ll take what they can get. 

And … to celebrate the release of CruiseShipped on audio, @bookworm_wordnerd and @aurorabookreview and I are teaming up to do a giveaway!

That’s right!
We’re giving away not one, but two paperback copies of CruiseShipped (two winners total). 

To enter for a chance to win …

🛳️ Follow all three of us:
@aurorabookreview 
@bookworm_wordnerd 
@savannahscott_author 

🛳️ Like this post. 

🛳️ Share to your story for a bonus entry. 

🛳️ Tag up to five friends. 

🛳️ And comment below with your fave vacation spot — either one you’ve been to, or one you hope to visit. 

Winner will b selected Friday, June 2nd. 

(Sorry, open to US residents only due to shipping costs). 

#bookishgiveaway #cruiseshipped #cruiseshippedbook #gettingshippedseries #savannahscottauthor #savannahscott #bookstagram #romancereadersofinstagram #romcomreadersofinstagram #closeddoorromance #closeddoorromcom #sweetromcom #newaudiobook #dreamscapemedia #vacationromance #puertoricanstories #summerread #beachreads #poolsidereading #summerromcom #firemanromance #smalltownromance #lovestories #bordeauxohio #bordeauxohioforever
#FirstFeelingsFriday. 💜 Do you like Insta-love #FirstFeelingsFriday. 💜

Do you like Insta-love stories? I’ll be honest, I mostly don’t. 

I believe love takes time to build. 

I’ll tell you what rings true to me: insta-chemistry. And these two have it in spades. 

Gabriela is passionate and sassy. She speaks her mind and takes risks easily. She’s a confident woman from a strong, loving family. 

Brooks is a sweetheart. He’s a fireman, like his dad and brothers before him. His family bonds are more complicated. 

When these two meet, actually even before they actually ever speak, there’s an electrical charge in the air. They flirt from the first moment their eyes lock. 

What’s the problem?
Well, Brooks lives in small town Bordeaux. Gabriela lives 850 miles away in Boston. 

So, they walk away. 
When they see one another again at a wedding, they decide to give themselves a day together the day after the ceremony. 

But then, Gabriela returns home. 

And neither of them really ever get the other out of their mind. Brooks says … if only … if only things were different … she’d be mine. 

If you like closed door romance with forced proximity, a vacation to the Caribbean, a small town vibe, and more hot kisses than you can imagine … CruiseShipped is for you. 

This book has heart, laughs, and a surprising HEA. (It is recommended to read CruiseShipped before reading Ripped & Shipped because Ripped & Shipped has a spoiler for CruiseShipped) 

#cruiseshipped #cruiseshippedbook #gettingshipped #gettingshippedseries #savannahscott #savannahscottauthor #romcombooks #sweetromcom #closeddoorromance #closeddoorromcom #romcomauthor #bordeauxohio #bordeauxohioforever #smalltownromance #beachromancebooks #travelromance #forcedproximityromance #puertoricanstories #latinaromancebooks #lovestories #bookstagram #shippers #Imashipper #romcomreadersofinstagram #ohiolove #smalltownromancebooks
Are We There Yet? Nope. Not yet 😉 But, it’s Are We There Yet?

Nope. Not yet 😉 But, it’s coming … July 2023!

Cameron and Ben have jobs on Marbella Island their first year out of college. 

Riley and Madeline are going back to California for their last year at UCLA. 

Riley’s had a crush on Cam for years. 

Two problems:

1. Cameron is Madeline’s older brother. That’s right, as in Riley’s bff, Madeline. 

2. Cameron’s oblivious. He only sees Riley as a second little sister. 

These four travel down iconic Route 66 in this coming-of-age, coming-to-your-senses, closed-door romcom. 

Cam’s the responsible, goal-oriented young man with a secret in his past. 

Riley’s the free-spirited ball of sunshine who pushes him to step outside his comfort zone and risk again. 

#arewethereyet #arewethereyetnovel #arewethereyetbook #lovetrippinseries #lovetrippin #roadtripstories #sweetromcom #closeddoorromcom #comingofagestories #savannahscott #savannahscottauthor #wipwednesday #amwritingromance #romcomreadersofinstagram #romancereadersofinstagram #bookstagrammers #lovestories
Townshipped … a bride-on-the-run, amnesia romcom Townshipped … a bride-on-the-run, amnesia romcom. 

People have said this book made them love the amnesia trope. 
And, why not?
When “Em” lands on Aiden’s property and remembers nothing, she wakes in his guest room. 

He’s a farmer … but not that kind of farmer. 
Not like Old MacDonald. 
Nope. 
Aiden’s got heart. 
And he keeps that heart tucked under those pecs. 

Aiden’s friends have always teased him, saying things like, “it’s not as if a woman’s just going to land on your doorstep and fall in love with you.” 

Never say never. 

Townshipped is in KU, on Amazon, and on audiobook … even through Hoopla in many places. 

#townshipped #townshippedbook #audiobook #dreamscape #dreamscapeaudio #willdamron #amymcfadden #gettingshipped #gettingshippedseries #savannahscott #savannahscottauthor #smalltownromance #smalltownromcom #bordeauxohio #bordeauxohioforever #brideontherun #runawaybride #goatsofinstagram #romcomreaders #romcomreadersofinstagram #sweetromance #sweetromcom #closeddoorromcom #closeddoorromance #lovestories #ohiolove #bookstagrammers #shippers #Imashipper #smalltownromancebooks
Feeling that itch to escape to a small town where Feeling that itch to escape to a small town where life is simple, people know one another better than they know themselves, the townspeople meddle, the seniors get into shenanigans, the men are hotter than July heat, and the corn grows taller than the fishermen’s tales?

I’ve got just the place for you. 
Come to Bordeaux (Bored Ox), where the cattle are bored but you never will be. 

This seven-story series of stand-alone romcoms will make you laugh and steal your heart. 

🌽 friends to lovers in Friendshipped 
🐄 second-chance romance in Battleshipped 
🚜 forced-proximity, amnesia romance in Townshipped
🧢 older brother’s best friend in Censorshipped 
🏡 grumpy-sunshine, single dad in Doctorshipped
🏝️ vacation, forced proximity in Cruiseshipped
👠 enemies to lovers, fake dating in Ripped & Shipped 

The books are available on Amazon, KU and in audiobook (dual POV with two narrators). 

Slip away to the middle of southwest Ohio for some snort-laughter, hot kisses, and happily ever afters that will keep you smiling. 

One thing about a sweet small town. You might leave it, but it won’t leave you. Come on back anytime. 

(Video is mine - filmed in #pasorobles Ca when I was on a writing retreat finishing Ripped & Shipped). 

#romcombooks #sweetromance #sweetromcom #closeddoorromance #closeddoorromcom #savannahscott #savannahscottauthor #bordeauxohio #bordeauxohioforever #ilovemyreaders #gettingshipped #gettingshippedseries #lovestories #romcomreadersofinstagram #smalltownromancebooks
#smalltownromance #ohiolove #imashipper #shippersforlife #bookseries
Follow on Instagram
  • Facebook
  • Instagram
  • Pinterest
  • Twitter

Copyright © 2023 · Patty H. Scott · All Rights Reserved