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Savannah Scott Romcom Author

Parenting Your Go-With-the-Flow Child

February 24, 2016 By Patty Leave a Comment

24 Feb

You know how they say you marry your opposite?  Check. 

My unassuming, humble, reserved husband married a strong-willed, dynamic, talkative me.  We joke that he is the rock that holds my kite string so I don’t sail off somewhere.  He’s the brake pedal while I’m the gas {turbo boost included at no extra charge}.  We have found our way {after 25 years of dating and marriage in total} of balancing one another most days. 

God used our contrasting personalities to soften {sometimes like sandpaper} the parts in one another that needed refining.  I sit still more readily and he takes more risks because of the way we have learned from and molded one another over the years.  Though I haven’t raised a go-with-the-flow personality, I married one, so I have insight into what makes these people tick and how to bless them as you rear them.  {After all, we do “raise” our husbands a bit, don’t we?}

This go-with-the-flow personality is technically called the Phlegmatic {yes, as in phlegm – it sticks with you and has no real umph of its own}.  For those geeks among us, the origin of determining the four personalities came from Hippocrates who is said to be the Father of Medicine.  He determined basic fluids in the body and said that a combination or excess of various fluids helped determine the temperament.  He would say that the Phlegmatic has an excess of phlegm.  Don’t tell the phlegmatic’s brothers and sisters or he’ll be mercilessly teased.  Likelihood one of them has too much bile or something.

What’s So Hard About an Easy Going Child? 

If you have an easy going child, you may wonder why you need a blog post about how to bring them up.  I mean, they go with the flow, so hey, roll with it and focus your efforts on the strong-willed child or the natural born leader {who will grab any and all attention if you let them}.   That potential – to let the easiest child blend in with the wallpaper – is exactly why we need this post. 

The Phlegmatic could also be called the easy-going, go-with-the-flow or loyal personality.  Gary Smalley calls this person, The Retriever. 

retriever

Look Under the Surface with Your Phlegmatic Child

Obviously I’ve got a thing for this personality, or I wouldn’t have married one.  The Phlegmatic is calm, loyal and tends to be introverted.  They rarely get upset and when they do, well, you probably did something big to get them there, so beware that every porcupine has its quills.  Cuddly as they seem {and are} when backed into a corner, the phlegmatic will turn on you and shoot darts.  Of course, this is so contrary to their nature that they feel awful for a long time after such an outburst. 

One more warning about pushing this easy going person too far: they can hold a grudge f o r – e v – e r.  You won’t always know it, but when you show that you are not reliable, they make a note of it and you have to do a whole lot of changing in order for them to allow you back into their inner circle and more importantly their heart. 

It is precious to be allowed access to the intimate life of a phlegmatic.  Do not take this privilege lightly.  They watch people and are relatively excellent judges of character.  If they decided you are worthy of the honor of their intimacy and loyalty, you need to make efforts to repay the vote of confidence with your own show of care and loyalty. 

phlegmatic

Strengths and Weaknesses of a Phlegmatic Personality

Being an introvert, your phlegmatic child may be slow to warm up to people or new experiences.  They are very accommodating, so they may not always tell you how they are feeling.  Be sure to check in with them before you go into something new to them.  Phlegmatics love routine.  The movie “Groundhog Day” wouldn’t bother them a bit – repeating the same day over and over is predictable and you get good at it. 

The phlegmatic doesn’t push their way into anything.  They won’t be the first in line to get the promotion if it means signing up and taking risks.  They simply resist change because what they have is good – they find a way to make good in what they have.  Don’t worry, though.  Your phlegmatic will be a hard worker and apply himself to what needs to get done.  This work ethic makes up for what he lacks in willingness to take risks or push ahead by force.

Phlegmatic Strengths & Weaknesses

You know the classic exchange that goes something like, “What do you want to do?” “I don’t know, what do you want to do?”  Well, this conversation was invented by two phlegmatics.  The inability to decide firmly – or  to even care which decision is made – is distinctly a phlegmatic trait. 

Other people can become indecisive by means of how they are raised or because of codependency which makes them fear rocking the boat by having an opinion.  Not the phlegmatic.  They truly usually could care less about relatively unimportant matters {the scope of what they feel is unimportant is much wider than it is for the rest of us opinionated folk}.  When they feel strongly, they will put up an inner wall – stalwart as a brick edifice.  Try to budge them when something matters.  No, then again, don’t.  If they care that deeply, it’s about time you concede. 

Make Special Time with Your Phlegmatic Child

As for parenting this child, it could be easy to let them slide under the radar, to assume all is always well.  Your go-with-the-flow child has a rich inner thought life.  Spend some regular time with them – cuddle up in their bed at night and let them do the talking.  Listen.  If you want to know what is really going on, ask your Phlegmatic.  They were quietly observing while everyone else was caught up in the moment.  They see the deeper things. 

Let them know you care. Often this child gets passionate about things in a contagious way. They do have natural interests and talents, but their delight can also come through sharing the passion someone else has for an activity or event.

When you are looking for friends to pair with your young phlegmatic, choose well. You will do best to find children who allow the phlegmatic a turn and don’t override their every thought or word. If the phlegmatic is around a bossy child, she will give in and be led, though inwardly she is taking note that she isn’t being treated fairly. 


The best thing for your phlegmatic will be the way you call out the fact that he does have some thoughts and ideas of his own and when he does, you want to make room to hear them and help bring them to life.  Tend their sensitive hearts with care and accept that they may not push themselves to be the top of the class, the leader of the activity or to take front and center on stage.  This personality is content to be behind the scenes, steadily, loyally contributing to something bigger than themselves.  Honor their hard work and the crucial part they play.  Most of all, thank God for the unique way He made this sensitive, deep, caring person you have the honor of rearing. 


I am so glad you are joining me in this series on Parenting Your Child’s Personality.  You can find the first, second and third posts if you missed them, or follow these links: 

How do you lead your natural born leader?

How to guide your life of the party child …

Setting your logical, orderly child up for success.  

I’d love to hear what personalities are in your home and how knowing about personality helps you as you mother. (I’m aware of the Enneagram method of dissecting personality. For the sake of this series I will keep things more streamlined. I’ll share about the Enneagram and children in another series of posts in the future). 


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    Filed Under: Parenting Tagged With: Personality

    About Patty

    I write to encourage your heart, feed your soul, and give you wisdom for your life. Motherhood is my passion. I've been married to my surfer/skater husband for over 20 years.  We have two boys and a home full of neighbor kids most days.

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    Ahhhh … enemies to more. 🔥 The banter is so f Ahhhh … enemies to more. 🔥
The banter is so fun!

Chris and Ella Mae start out getting on one another’s nerves … then, due to completely unexpected circumstances, they end up fake dating … and then they drive one another crazy in a whole different sense of the phrase 😉🥰

Ripped & Shipped comes out early May. I’m about 🤏 close to finishing it and sending it to my editor.

ARC Team sign ups will be coming for ebooks on Saturday (Apr 1). Paperback team is already selected and will be getting a welcome email by this weekend. 

We are going to have so much fun launching this book! I can’t even tell you the feelings I have … wrapping up this first Bordeaux series, writing this story that’s full of heart, and laughs, and kisses that make you grab a glass of ice water and fan yourself. 🔥😘🧊💦🫠

I’m so grateful you’re along for the ride. There aren’t words for the sweetness of sharing the Getting Shipped series with you. 💕

(And I’ve been loosely plotting the next series and getting excited as I start writing the Love Trippin’ books.) 💕

Do you love enemies to lovers?
Fake dating? 
Let me know … 

#wipwednesday #workinprogress #amwritingromance #amwritingromcom
#romcombooks #sweetromcom #closeddoorromance #closeddoorromcom
#savannahscott #savannahscottauthor #bordeauxohio #bordeauxohioforever #newrelease #gettingshipped #gettingshippedseries #lovestories #rippedandshipped #chellamaebae #rippedandshippedbook #bookstagrammers #bookstagram #romcom #romancereadersofinstagram #romcomreadersofinstagram #bookexcerpt #shippers #Imashipper #Smalltownromance #ohiolove #smalltownromancebooks
    Okay. So. Yes, we are still waiting for Ripped & Okay. So. 
Yes, we are still waiting for Ripped & Shipped to come out and be in your happy little hands on May 1st. 

But, authors are always (usually) a book ahead of the readers. 

And, this time, I’m a whole series ahead. 

I’m thinking about “Are We There Yet?” It’s the first book in the Love Trippin’ series. 

Four people from Bordeaux (yes!!) are traveling to California where the next series takes place. 

This first book takes place over a road trip (after a few chapters in Bordeaux, and before the later chapters in Cali).

So, I want to plan this road trip!
Im a road-tripper, and I grew up spending summers traveling from state to state with my family. 

I know my road trip stories. 
I want to hear YOURS! 
Leave it in the comments or DM me. 🚗🌳🚧🏔️

I’m not going to use your exact story, of course. But, if your story inspires something in the book, I’ll send you a free sticker and bookmark when “Are We There Yet” releases this summer. 

I’m so excited to share this new series with you!

#lovetrippin #lovetrippinseries #savannahscottauthor #savannahscott #romcombooks #sweetromcom #sweetromance #closeddoorromance #closeddoorromcom #romcombooksaremyweakness #romcomreadersofinstagram #romancereadersofinstagram #bookstagram #roadtrippin #roadtripromance #roadtrippin #arewethereyet #arewethereyetbook
    Writing retreat A few days on the central coast. Writing retreat 

A few days on the central coast. 

Views. 
Good food. 
Sweet conversation 
Getting so close to finishing Ripped & Shipped. 

Dreaming about the next series. 
Thinking about how to bless moms and women 

#writingretreat #amwriting #amwritingromance #amwritingromcom #romcomauthor #romcomreadersofinstagram #romancereadersofinstagram #bookstagram #sweetromcom #closeddoorromcom #savannahscott #savannahscottauthor #gettingshipped #gettingshippedseries #cambriacalifornia #centralcoast #slocounty #moonstonebeach
    Would the Rob & Laura fans raise your hands? 🙋🏼‍♀️

My husband and I are listening to the audiobook of Battleshipped together right now. It takes us forever because: life. But, it’s been fun to revisit their story. 

If you love a slightly geeky leading man, a strong female lead with a loyal heart and a persevering spirit, Battleshipped is for you. 

If you love second chance romcom with a dash of enemies to more, Battleshipped has all the “working hard to win her heart back” vibes. 

If you love laughing out loud until people look at you funny while you read. Yeah. There are those scenes. 

If you love a found-family friend group, and a quirky small town that will win your heart, come to Bordeaux. 

QOTD: Do you love when a brainy male lead becomes your book boyfriend? Which brainy male characters have stolen your heart? 

#battleshipped #battleshippedbook #bookexcerpt #gettingshipped #gettingshippedseries #savannahscott #savannahscottauthor #smalltownromancebooks #sweetromcom #closeddoorromcom #secondchanceromance #goatsgoatsgoats #bordeauxohio #bookboyfriend #romancereadersofinstagram #romcomreadersofinstagram #ohiolove #bookstagram #bookstagrammers
    Is it Wednesday? Um no. No it is not. But, do y Is it Wednesday? 
Um no. No it is not. 

But, do you still want this #WIPWednesday teaser from Ripped & Shipped? Why yes, yes you do. 

I’ll tell y’all. This book is coming along. And it is scrum-diddly-umptious. 

We’re talking banterrrrrr!
And all the swoony enemy vibes. 

And then they start faking! 
What? yasssss. They fake. The enemies start to fake a romance. 

Then … a completely unexpected and sweeeet friendship develops. 

But, ruh-roh. One of them catches feelings (just quoting Duke here). 

And it gets so HOT ( in a very closed-door way) and so HEARTFELT. 

This story is special. It’s the last in Bordeaux. So I’m pouring it all out into this book. 

You’ve got Memaw, Esther, and Mabel. 
The Bordeaux friend group. 
Lulabelle 
Ella Mae
Cooter
And so much more. 

I’m not kidding when I say this may be my fave in series. 

And you know what it means when I say I’m about 3/4 done writing? Yep. I just might release this story in May … ARC Team wannabes, lace up your running shoes. I’ll be posting opportunities to join the few open spots the first week of April. ❤️

Wait til you see the cover, too. Gah. I love it!! 

#rippedandshipped #workinprogress #amwriting
#amwritingromance #amwritingromcom
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    Heyyyyy ARC Team! If you were on the ARC team fo Heyyyyy ARC Team! 

If you were on the ARC team for Cruiseshipped, our exclusive ARC Team only book chat is coming!

Tomorrow (Thursday March 23) at 5p PT we’ll be gathering on zoom to talk about Cruiseshipped. 

I’m so grateful to each one of you for reading, sharing, and reviewing Cruiseshipped. ❤️ 

So … mark your calendars and set your alarms (and a countdown is in my stories!) and let’s talk all things Brooks + Gabby ❤️🚢💃🏻

#cruiseshipped #cruiseshippedbook #savannahscott #savannahscottauthor #gettingshipped #gettingshippedseries #arcteamperks #bookchat #buddyread #ilovemyreaders #authorchat
    Well, I’m back with another #mememonday and this Well, I’m back with another #mememonday and this one is featuring one of my favorite movies EVER: The Princess Bride!

Which slide do you like best? 

And … aside from posting here today, I’m writing! Ripped & Shipped (Chris’ story) is halfway done! 

I’m on a roll now, and my family is going to an amusement park for the day (without me), so I’m alone with Bella and my laptop. 

Then, this weekend, I’ve got a writing retreat. The final book in the Getting Shipped series is going to be written! 

Not saying we won’t have some novellas down the road … mayyyybe we could. (Who would you want to see in a Getting Shipped novella?)

I hope your Monday is GREAT!!

#bookmemes #bookishmemes #princessbride #asyouwish #amwriting #amwritingromcom #romcomauthor #sweetromcom #closeddoorromcom #romancereadersofinstagram #romcomreadersofinstagram #savannahscottauthor #gettingshipped #rippedandshipped #gettingshippedseries
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