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Savannah Scott Romcom Author

Parenting Your Child’s Personality

February 3, 2016 By Patty 4 Comments

3 Feb

You never know what might be birthed while I’m standing at the sink doing dishes or by the stove stirring a pot of soup.  I end up with sudsy hands, grasping at pen and paper from the basket that hangs on our kitchen wall to jot down some brainstorm of an idea so I can share it with you.

I got to thinking this week about the various personalities in our family.  It occurred to me that many parents may not know how to specifically identify the personality type of their child and how to incorporate that information into their parenting approach.  That’s how this series was birthed – sudsy hands and all. 

FIGURING OUT PERSONALITY

Let’s explore the four main personality types and some propensities of those types. I’ll weave it all together so you can  parent your children based on what you discover.

All over the web you will see charts on “Personality Type.”  Many of them are based on a well-known, widely-used test called the Myers Briggs.  With this test you discover your personality along four main determining factors. 

The test comes up with a letter combination describing your personality (such as ENFJ, which would describe yours truly).  The Myers Briggs tests whether a person is either an E (extrovert) or I (introvert); either a N (intuitive) or S (sensing – basing the world on what they can see and measure); F (feeling – experiencing the world through emotions) or T (thinking – experiencing the world in a more cerebral way) and J (judging – giving a positive or negative value to everything) or P (perceiving – being more objective). 

WHAT DOES IT MEAN?

From these results we can come up with 16 varying personality types.  It is fun to take this test and even more fun to discover which Hobbit or Star Wars character has the same personality as you or your family members.

I’m not going to go into the depth of the Myers Briggs here.  I’m going to keep it a tad more simple  The four personality types I am going to talk about are the Choleric, Sanguine, Melancholy and Phlegmatic. 

Before you choke on the terminology and run for the hills, let me break it down a bit.  Gary Smalley has done us all the favor of assigning an animal to each type so that we can remember them more clearly.  In his wording we have the Lion, the Otter, the Retriever and the Beaver.

THE GOOD, THE BAD AND THE UGLY

Each personality has its strengths and weaknesses.  Our weaknesses come out when we are walking in the flesh.  Our strengths become refined when we walk in the Spirit. 

When we know our personality type and what we are prone to in our weaknesses, we are better equipped to grow into the strengths God has designed in us. 

When we understand our children’s personality types, we can help them to overcome areas that will naturally trip them up and we can help draw out what God built in.

YOUR NATURAL BORN LEADER

Lions (Cholerics) are dominant personalities.  They like to have things their way, can take on the world with one hand, are natural born leaders and tend to have a “get over it” attitude to most weakness.

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Choleric children want it done “my way.”

YOUR PLAYFUL, LIFE-OF-THE-PARTY CHILD

Otters (Sanguines) are fun loving, people-oriented and usually the life of the party.  They tend to be a bit disorganized and focus more on the big picture than the minute details.

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Sanguine children want it done “the fun way.”

YOUR GO-WITH-THE-FLOW CHILD

Retrievers (Phlegmatics) are easy going, get-along people.  They want to keep the peace and they often don’t care one way or the other about most decisions (really, they don’t care either way).  They desire things to be smooth and comfortable.

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Phlegmatic children want it the “easy way.”

YOUR LOGICAL, ORDERLY CHILD

Beavers (Melancholics) are perfectionistic by nature.  They thrive on details and order.  They think things through and often see aspects others don’t because of their willingness to look closely and deeply into matters.

Melancholy children want it “the right way.”

A BLEND OF TWO

You can have a blend of two personalities in one person, but never more than that.  For example, it is common to meet a Choleric (Lion)/Sanguine (Otter).  These people make great leaders as the sanguine side is charismatic and draws people in with passion and fun, while the Lion is determined, natural at making decisions and getting things done. 

You can also find a Melancholy (Beaver)/Phlegmatic (Retriever) who is peaceful, but focuses on getting things right.  They tend to want all relationships to function as they should and all details in work and home to go smoothly.  This person will be loyal as the day is long and will usually have a work ethic like none other.

WHO’S IN YOUR HOME?

As I am talking about these personalities, are you starting to see members of your family as they fit into one or the other of these descriptions? 

In our family we have

  • a Choleric/Sanguine (me)
  • a Phlegmatic/Melancholy (my husband)
  • a Choleric/Melancholy (my oldest son)
  • and a Sanguine/Phlegmatic (my youngest son). 

THE BLESSING OF UNDERSTANDING

As I have studied these personalities, I have come to see traits in my boys according to their type.  As a result, I am better able to  motivate them when I need to help them get something done. 

For example, with my sanguine child, it almost always works to make a task fun and turn work into a game.  My oldest son isn’t motivated by fun and games.  Give him a challenge and he’s on it. 

If I try to “race” my sanguine to see who can get ready first, he’s not interested.  He doesn’t lean towards competition.  If, however, I tell him, “let’s get ready so we can play a game when we finish,” he’s off and running.  It’s a matter of knowing how God wired my child so I can use those propensities to their advantage.

Knowing their personality types has also helped me choose well when thinking through habits of the heart to cultivate.  

My sanguine son is naturally less orderly.  I want to help him learn to keep things in order and to follow a routine.  These skills do not come naturally to him.  I need to be intentional to help shore up his weaker areas. 

My older son has a tender heart, but mercy isn’t his strong point.  I work with him on looking at life from the other person’s point of view.  We pause to consider what others are feeling. 

We build in the aspects of character that are weak spots for his personality type.  Knowing our son naturally leans towards justice and doesn’t always easily extend mercy helps us as we guide him.

WANT TO LEARN MORE?

In the next post  we’ll look specifically into the strengths and weaknesses of your natural born leader and some indications as to what this means for you as a parent.  Observe your children and ask yourself about the way God formed them. 

Personality is a gift from God.  When He fearfully and wonderfully made each of us, He planned in unique dispositions.  As you think about personality type, consider what special needs your child has. Think about what strengths they have based on their specific, individual traits.


Want to know more about your children’s personalities? read on …

How do you lead your natural born leader?

How to guide your life of the party child …

What does your go with the flow child need? 

Setting your logical, orderly child up for success.  

I’d love to hear what personalities are in your home and how knowing about personality helps you as you mother. (I’m aware of the Enneagram method of dissecting personality. For the sake of this series I will keep things more streamlined. I’ll share about the Enneagram and children in another series of posts in the future). 


Would you like to receive weekly encouragement for your motherhood? Get a little inspiration, one book recommendation, and one recipe a week in my weekly letter.

    photos courtesy of morguefile.com

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    Filed Under: Parenting Tagged With: Personality

    About Patty

    I write to encourage your heart, feed your soul, and give you wisdom for your life. Motherhood is my passion. I've been married to my surfer/skater husband for over 20 years.  We have two boys and a home full of neighbor kids most days.

    « Who Wins? Resolving Power Struggles at Home
    Parenting Your Natural Born Leader »

    Comments

    1. Christine says

      February 3, 2016 at 9:40 PM

      So wonderfully interesting. God is just so detailed in that way – making each of us special. Thank you for sharing this! It’s so great to know the blessing He has given us so we know how to parent them! I love it!

      Reply
      • Patty says

        February 5, 2016 at 7:21 AM

        Thanks, Christine. It is amazing to see how he made each of us unique and also to be able to look at general personality types to help us navigate this wonderful and challenging world of parenting. I’m so glad I get to take this journey with you. Grateful beyond words for our friendship.

        Reply
    2. sdf says

      February 14, 2016 at 2:05 AM

      Hi there, You’ve done an excellent job. I will definitely digg it
      and personally recommend to my friends. I’m sure they’ll be
      benefited from this web site.

      Reply
      • Patty says

        February 14, 2016 at 3:21 PM

        Glad you were blessed. Come back anytime.

        Reply

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    Ahhhh … enemies to more. 🔥 The banter is so f Ahhhh … enemies to more. 🔥
The banter is so fun!

Chris and Ella Mae start out getting on one another’s nerves … then, due to completely unexpected circumstances, they end up fake dating … and then they drive one another crazy in a whole different sense of the phrase 😉🥰

Ripped & Shipped comes out early May. I’m about 🤏 close to finishing it and sending it to my editor.

ARC Team sign ups will be coming for ebooks on Saturday (Apr 1). Paperback team is already selected and will be getting a welcome email by this weekend. 

We are going to have so much fun launching this book! I can’t even tell you the feelings I have … wrapping up this first Bordeaux series, writing this story that’s full of heart, and laughs, and kisses that make you grab a glass of ice water and fan yourself. 🔥😘🧊💦🫠

I’m so grateful you’re along for the ride. There aren’t words for the sweetness of sharing the Getting Shipped series with you. 💕

(And I’ve been loosely plotting the next series and getting excited as I start writing the Love Trippin’ books.) 💕

Do you love enemies to lovers?
Fake dating? 
Let me know … 

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    Okay. So. Yes, we are still waiting for Ripped & Okay. So. 
Yes, we are still waiting for Ripped & Shipped to come out and be in your happy little hands on May 1st. 

But, authors are always (usually) a book ahead of the readers. 

And, this time, I’m a whole series ahead. 

I’m thinking about “Are We There Yet?” It’s the first book in the Love Trippin’ series. 

Four people from Bordeaux (yes!!) are traveling to California where the next series takes place. 

This first book takes place over a road trip (after a few chapters in Bordeaux, and before the later chapters in Cali).

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Im a road-tripper, and I grew up spending summers traveling from state to state with my family. 

I know my road trip stories. 
I want to hear YOURS! 
Leave it in the comments or DM me. 🚗🌳🚧🏔️

I’m not going to use your exact story, of course. But, if your story inspires something in the book, I’ll send you a free sticker and bookmark when “Are We There Yet” releases this summer. 

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    Writing retreat A few days on the central coast. Writing retreat 

A few days on the central coast. 

Views. 
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My husband and I are listening to the audiobook of Battleshipped together right now. It takes us forever because: life. But, it’s been fun to revisit their story. 

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    Is it Wednesday? Um no. No it is not. But, do y Is it Wednesday? 
Um no. No it is not. 

But, do you still want this #WIPWednesday teaser from Ripped & Shipped? Why yes, yes you do. 

I’ll tell y’all. This book is coming along. And it is scrum-diddly-umptious. 

We’re talking banterrrrrr!
And all the swoony enemy vibes. 

And then they start faking! 
What? yasssss. They fake. The enemies start to fake a romance. 

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But, ruh-roh. One of them catches feelings (just quoting Duke here). 

And it gets so HOT ( in a very closed-door way) and so HEARTFELT. 

This story is special. It’s the last in Bordeaux. So I’m pouring it all out into this book. 

You’ve got Memaw, Esther, and Mabel. 
The Bordeaux friend group. 
Lulabelle 
Ella Mae
Cooter
And so much more. 

I’m not kidding when I say this may be my fave in series. 

And you know what it means when I say I’m about 3/4 done writing? Yep. I just might release this story in May … ARC Team wannabes, lace up your running shoes. I’ll be posting opportunities to join the few open spots the first week of April. ❤️

Wait til you see the cover, too. Gah. I love it!! 

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If you were on the ARC team for Cruiseshipped, our exclusive ARC Team only book chat is coming!

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Which slide do you like best? 

And … aside from posting here today, I’m writing! Ripped & Shipped (Chris’ story) is halfway done! 

I’m on a roll now, and my family is going to an amusement park for the day (without me), so I’m alone with Bella and my laptop. 

Then, this weekend, I’ve got a writing retreat. The final book in the Getting Shipped series is going to be written! 

Not saying we won’t have some novellas down the road … mayyyybe we could. (Who would you want to see in a Getting Shipped novella?)

I hope your Monday is GREAT!!

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