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Savannah Scott Romcom Author

How to Love Your Children When They Are at Their Worst

March 30, 2019 By Patty Leave a Comment

30 Mar

Each season of motherhood brings lessons along with it. Over the past few years, our family has been stretched in unexpected ways. As I walk through the difficulties, I notice something shifting in me. It’s not what I anticipated, but as I see it emerge, I’m in awe.

I’m actually learning to love.

You might find that an odd way of putting things. I mean, we all love our husbands, and, of course, we love our children. We love our friends, and our grandmas – especially our grandmas. I’m not talking about the feelings we have in our hearts for the people who are dear to us. I’m talking about really loving someone.

The nitty-gritty thing about love is that it means letting go of self and relinquishing control so we can truly act on behalf of another. When you think about Jesus, who left heaven, took on the form of humanity, lived a life of sacrifice, and ultimately suffered the cross, you see the road love walks. Love isn’t a sad, sorry state of affairs, either. It’s for the JOY set before Him that Jesus endured the cross. Love inextricably winds itself in joy, and that joy always has to do with the beloved.

image by patty h scott

Real Love in Motherhood

So, back to motherhood. Much of a mom’s day-to-day life involves doing for others. Yet, we can sometimes begrudge this “burden” and even share that sentiment with those around us by way of complaining a bit. “Am I going to be the only one cleaning up the family room?” or “Did anyone notice the underwear and socks on the bathroom floor besides me?” While we spend hours cooking, cleaning, wiping, holding, teaching, and comforting, we may not always carry out these tasks in a spirit of love. 

Also, motherhood wears us down. Some days take their toll more than others. We bear with whiny kids while we run around on errands and to extracurriculars. We struggle to get children to learn to do the things we know are best for them. These challenges can really drive us to the edge of our sweetness as moms.

As you know if you’ve been receiving my emails or reading my blogs and books for any length of time, my oldest has a very strong will. He’s amazing (I always have to add that caveat). Still, his willful stance can take all I have to offer. Sometimes I’ve allowed his attitude to draw up a response from me that wasn’t as loving as I would hope. Patterns developed between us that included power struggles, or me trying to coerce him into doing what I wanted. 

Cultivating Gentleness

Sometimes God does a work in our hearts that comes out over time. We witness the change in our interactions and are as surprised as everyone around us. That’s what’s been happening in my motherhood. For years I have worked on cultivating gentleness. In this past year, I’ve been led to see the simplicity and poignancy of what I call “loving strong.” What I mean is I show love no matter what the person in front of me is doing to “deserve” it. Simple, right? Easy? No. Not even close.

A few years back God gave me some key verses in relation to motherhood. Then He began to work those into my reactions and my soul. One is “There is no condemnation in Christ Jesus.” I started seeing how deeply my children needed to simply feel loved – despite behavior. Bob Goff says it perfectly: Love has the kind of power criticism only wishes it had.

image by patty h scott

An Abiding Heart

When I parented driven by perfectionism, I would overcorrect my children or focus on telling them about where they missed the mark. While my heart didn’t mean to criticize them, my message came across as one focused on behavior instead of their hearts. Thankfully, this wasn’t the overarching tone of my motherhood. In difficult moments, when their attitude went south, or when they were acting up, I sometimes defaulted to a more critical spirit seasoned with a dash of control-freakishness for good measure.

As God has drawn me into His deep affection, I find that love easily accessible to me. The source of our unconditional love as moms comes from the well of God’s overflowing love for us. As I shared in my post on overcoming anger, I can let my gentleness be known to all because the Lord is near. When I trust His nearness, I know I am safe, protected, and cared for. God is in the mix. Jesus hasn’t left me to deal with this mothering gig alone. He is in it – highly invested, giving me what I need, teaching me to love strong.

image by patty h scott

Loving Strong

It’s been quite an experience to stand in front of my teen during a stereotypically hormonal moment, maintaining my calm while giving him a gentle answer – a sincere one – all the while feeling compassion and concern for him. In days gone by, I’d be verbally engaged trying to get him to see things my way, and more importantly, do things my way. Instead, with my heart rooted in trust, I can release him and love strong.

This stuff takes muscle and determination, but more than that it takes the depth of knowing how deeply loved we are as moms – and how deeply loved our children are too. Sacrificial, other-centered love is strong like a cup of Middle Eastern tea. You can’t love someone this much and this well without them being touched by it. But, first, you are transformed as you extend steadfast, unshakable love. Real love doesn’t try to change the other person. True love changes us as we pour into the places where someone else needs love the most.

Love Has Limits

In-the-trenches mama love has solid boundaries too. It’s not a doormat, a blind eye, or a get-out-of-jail-free card. God has boundaries. We do too. My limits are about what I will and won’t do. They express what I’ll stand for or not. I can say what will happen if someone crosses those lines. I can’t control another person – not even my child. I’m not meant to. God, who can control other people often chooses not to. Why would I think I can or should? 

Love looks beyond the moment into the promise of the future. I know my son won’t stay stuck in the difficult days of his teen years. He didn’t get trapped in toddlerhood either. We all grow and change. I can hang on through any rough patch. God is giving me the moxie and the patience to do it. 

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Filed Under: Parenting Tagged With: Avoiding Power Struggles, Healthy Boundaries, letting go, loving well, Overcoming Anger, parenting teens, Perfectionism

About Patty

I write to encourage your heart, feed your soul, and give you wisdom for your life. Motherhood is my passion. I've been married to my surfer/skater husband for over 20 years.  We have two boys and a home full of neighbor kids most days.

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Ahhhh … enemies to more. 🔥 The banter is so f Ahhhh … enemies to more. 🔥
The banter is so fun!

Chris and Ella Mae start out getting on one another’s nerves … then, due to completely unexpected circumstances, they end up fake dating … and then they drive one another crazy in a whole different sense of the phrase 😉🥰

Ripped & Shipped comes out early May. I’m about 🤏 close to finishing it and sending it to my editor.

ARC Team sign ups will be coming for ebooks on Saturday (Apr 1). Paperback team is already selected and will be getting a welcome email by this weekend. 

We are going to have so much fun launching this book! I can’t even tell you the feelings I have … wrapping up this first Bordeaux series, writing this story that’s full of heart, and laughs, and kisses that make you grab a glass of ice water and fan yourself. 🔥😘🧊💦🫠

I’m so grateful you’re along for the ride. There aren’t words for the sweetness of sharing the Getting Shipped series with you. 💕

(And I’ve been loosely plotting the next series and getting excited as I start writing the Love Trippin’ books.) 💕

Do you love enemies to lovers?
Fake dating? 
Let me know … 

#wipwednesday #workinprogress #amwritingromance #amwritingromcom
#romcombooks #sweetromcom #closeddoorromance #closeddoorromcom
#savannahscott #savannahscottauthor #bordeauxohio #bordeauxohioforever #newrelease #gettingshipped #gettingshippedseries #lovestories #rippedandshipped #chellamaebae #rippedandshippedbook #bookstagrammers #bookstagram #romcom #romancereadersofinstagram #romcomreadersofinstagram #bookexcerpt #shippers #Imashipper #Smalltownromance #ohiolove #smalltownromancebooks
Okay. So. Yes, we are still waiting for Ripped & Okay. So. 
Yes, we are still waiting for Ripped & Shipped to come out and be in your happy little hands on May 1st. 

But, authors are always (usually) a book ahead of the readers. 

And, this time, I’m a whole series ahead. 

I’m thinking about “Are We There Yet?” It’s the first book in the Love Trippin’ series. 

Four people from Bordeaux (yes!!) are traveling to California where the next series takes place. 

This first book takes place over a road trip (after a few chapters in Bordeaux, and before the later chapters in Cali).

So, I want to plan this road trip!
Im a road-tripper, and I grew up spending summers traveling from state to state with my family. 

I know my road trip stories. 
I want to hear YOURS! 
Leave it in the comments or DM me. 🚗🌳🚧🏔️

I’m not going to use your exact story, of course. But, if your story inspires something in the book, I’ll send you a free sticker and bookmark when “Are We There Yet” releases this summer. 

I’m so excited to share this new series with you!

#lovetrippin #lovetrippinseries #savannahscottauthor #savannahscott #romcombooks #sweetromcom #sweetromance #closeddoorromance #closeddoorromcom #romcombooksaremyweakness #romcomreadersofinstagram #romancereadersofinstagram #bookstagram #roadtrippin #roadtripromance #roadtrippin #arewethereyet #arewethereyetbook
Writing retreat A few days on the central coast. Writing retreat 

A few days on the central coast. 

Views. 
Good food. 
Sweet conversation 
Getting so close to finishing Ripped & Shipped. 

Dreaming about the next series. 
Thinking about how to bless moms and women 

#writingretreat #amwriting #amwritingromance #amwritingromcom #romcomauthor #romcomreadersofinstagram #romancereadersofinstagram #bookstagram #sweetromcom #closeddoorromcom #savannahscott #savannahscottauthor #gettingshipped #gettingshippedseries #cambriacalifornia #centralcoast #slocounty #moonstonebeach
Would the Rob & Laura fans raise your hands? 🙋🏼‍♀️

My husband and I are listening to the audiobook of Battleshipped together right now. It takes us forever because: life. But, it’s been fun to revisit their story. 

If you love a slightly geeky leading man, a strong female lead with a loyal heart and a persevering spirit, Battleshipped is for you. 

If you love second chance romcom with a dash of enemies to more, Battleshipped has all the “working hard to win her heart back” vibes. 

If you love laughing out loud until people look at you funny while you read. Yeah. There are those scenes. 

If you love a found-family friend group, and a quirky small town that will win your heart, come to Bordeaux. 

QOTD: Do you love when a brainy male lead becomes your book boyfriend? Which brainy male characters have stolen your heart? 

#battleshipped #battleshippedbook #bookexcerpt #gettingshipped #gettingshippedseries #savannahscott #savannahscottauthor #smalltownromancebooks #sweetromcom #closeddoorromcom #secondchanceromance #goatsgoatsgoats #bordeauxohio #bookboyfriend #romancereadersofinstagram #romcomreadersofinstagram #ohiolove #bookstagram #bookstagrammers
Is it Wednesday? Um no. No it is not. But, do y Is it Wednesday? 
Um no. No it is not. 

But, do you still want this #WIPWednesday teaser from Ripped & Shipped? Why yes, yes you do. 

I’ll tell y’all. This book is coming along. And it is scrum-diddly-umptious. 

We’re talking banterrrrrr!
And all the swoony enemy vibes. 

And then they start faking! 
What? yasssss. They fake. The enemies start to fake a romance. 

Then … a completely unexpected and sweeeet friendship develops. 

But, ruh-roh. One of them catches feelings (just quoting Duke here). 

And it gets so HOT ( in a very closed-door way) and so HEARTFELT. 

This story is special. It’s the last in Bordeaux. So I’m pouring it all out into this book. 

You’ve got Memaw, Esther, and Mabel. 
The Bordeaux friend group. 
Lulabelle 
Ella Mae
Cooter
And so much more. 

I’m not kidding when I say this may be my fave in series. 

And you know what it means when I say I’m about 3/4 done writing? Yep. I just might release this story in May … ARC Team wannabes, lace up your running shoes. I’ll be posting opportunities to join the few open spots the first week of April. ❤️

Wait til you see the cover, too. Gah. I love it!! 

#rippedandshipped #workinprogress #amwriting
#amwritingromance #amwritingromcom
#romcombooks #sweetromance #sweetromcom
#closeddoorromance #closeddoorromcom
#savannahscott #savannahscottauthor #bordeauxohio
#bordeauxohioforever #bookcoverdesign #newrelease
#ilovemyreaders #gettingshipped
#gettingshippedseries #lovestories
#chellamaebae #comehomeellamae
#rippedandshippedbook #bookstagrammers
#bookstagram #romancereadersofinstagram
#romcomreadersofinstagram #bookexcerpt
Heyyyyy ARC Team! If you were on the ARC team fo Heyyyyy ARC Team! 

If you were on the ARC team for Cruiseshipped, our exclusive ARC Team only book chat is coming!

Tomorrow (Thursday March 23) at 5p PT we’ll be gathering on zoom to talk about Cruiseshipped. 

I’m so grateful to each one of you for reading, sharing, and reviewing Cruiseshipped. ❤️ 

So … mark your calendars and set your alarms (and a countdown is in my stories!) and let’s talk all things Brooks + Gabby ❤️🚢💃🏻

#cruiseshipped #cruiseshippedbook #savannahscott #savannahscottauthor #gettingshipped #gettingshippedseries #arcteamperks #bookchat #buddyread #ilovemyreaders #authorchat
Well, I’m back with another #mememonday and this Well, I’m back with another #mememonday and this one is featuring one of my favorite movies EVER: The Princess Bride!

Which slide do you like best? 

And … aside from posting here today, I’m writing! Ripped & Shipped (Chris’ story) is halfway done! 

I’m on a roll now, and my family is going to an amusement park for the day (without me), so I’m alone with Bella and my laptop. 

Then, this weekend, I’ve got a writing retreat. The final book in the Getting Shipped series is going to be written! 

Not saying we won’t have some novellas down the road … mayyyybe we could. (Who would you want to see in a Getting Shipped novella?)

I hope your Monday is GREAT!!

#bookmemes #bookishmemes #princessbride #asyouwish #amwriting #amwritingromcom #romcomauthor #sweetromcom #closeddoorromcom #romancereadersofinstagram #romcomreadersofinstagram #savannahscottauthor #gettingshipped #rippedandshipped #gettingshippedseries
#mawwage #bookstagram #bookstagrammers #bookishcommunity
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