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Savannah Scott Romcom Author

When All You See Are God’s Impossible Expectations

March 21, 2016 By Patty Leave a Comment

21 Mar

Cease striving (towards perfectionistic expectations) and know that I am God

~ Psalm 46:10

Striving. It feels as though this word could describe so much of how I lived this gift of a life for years. Pushing forward, stretching to the mark, I wore myself out. Perfectionism demands everything while never acknowledging anything as good enough, worthy, or finished. Though I’m miles from my former self, I occasionally find vestiges of striving and unrealistic expectations alive and well within me. 

race

Expecting Perfection from a Child

I shared last week about my childhood and the daunting expectations my father had for my behavior, along with the  life-threatening consequences which were in store for me when I failed to meet the mark. The roots of my perfectionism grew from deep wounds. I developed self-protective defenses to keep myself from ever being hurt by anyone like that again. 

When we learn to defend ourselves with striving, we cling to it. Relinquishing a shield, defective as it may be, feels far too risky when threats loom at us in every relationship. 

Maybe you haven’t been abused physically as I was. Perhaps people in your life held unrealistic expectations and shamed you, or rejected you when you messed up or fell short. Maybe you were raised to compete with others – feeling the only way to get your share of what was good was to be the best at everything. It could be you experienced loss so great that you learned to steel yourself by performing. People failed you, so you leaned on your achievements and ability to gain approval. 

God’s Call to Cease Striving

Whatever the origin of your striving, God is calling you to cease. 

I often dwell on the verse in Galatians 5:1 – It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery. Our perfectionism yokes us heavily, causing us to live trapped and driven. Jesus died to free me – to free you – from the weight of this yoke. He wants us out of shackles so we can dance with Him. Imagine a slave, set free, who returns to the life he knew instead of walking into the liberty which had been purchased for him. God doesn’t want that for you. He bought our freedom and He wants us to enjoy it, thrive in it, and never return to bondage. 

Jesus died to break the chains and free us of unrealistic expectations

photo courtesy of marcus spiske

 

Does God Have Perfectionistic Expectations?

Over the years, I have increasingly turned to God in my perfectionism, longing for release and healing. I discovered the inner shield I used to protect myself from harm kept Him at bay as well. I feared His “impossible expectations.” As Dale & Juanita Ryan express in their study, Distorted Images of God: Restoring Our Vision, God is either a God of Impossible Expectations or a God of Compassion. 

We approach God only to discover we see Him as the most demanding being we have ever encountered. Our lenses are skewed and we can only see Him as a grand taskmaster, exacting much and zapping all who fail to comply. I had given a head nod to God’s goodness and love, thinking this was the largest part of my faith in Him. All the while, in the recesses of my heart, I wondered if I could really be good enough for Him to love me.

This fear drove me to work my tail feathers off in ministry. At one church I was on the Mission Board, Worship Team, and Women’s Ministry Leadership Team. I took other people’s children home with me after church on Sunday to give their parents a break (I kid you not). I spent spare hours feeding the homeless, teaching Inductive Bible Study courses, and discipling a number of women – all this while holding down a full-time job!  Holy over-commitment, Batman! 

God Just Out of Reach

I didn’t know then that I was compensating for the fear that God couldn’t possibly love me for who I am. Under the surface I was driven by the false conviction that my works gave me value. Striving to meet what I thought God expected of me never filled my aching heart. 

In their study, the Ryans refer to a book by David Seamands, Healing for Damaged Emotions.  In it, he says:

God .. is seen as a figure on top of a tall ladder.  [The person] says to himself, “I’m going to climb up to God now.  I’m His child and I want to please Him more than anything else.”  So he starts climbing, rung by rung, working so hard, until his knuckles are bleeding and his shins are bruised .. He climbs and struggles, but when he gets up there, his God has gone up another three rungs. .. God is that little inner voice that always says, “That’s not quite good enough.” 

Can you relate? 

God's expectations can feel unrealistic or impossible

Our God Who Stoops to Bless

In stark contrast, think of how God presents Himself in Psalm 103 {my paraphrase}:

The Lord, your God, forgives all your sins and heals all your diseases,
He redeems your life from the pit
and crowns you with His love and compassion,
The Lord satisfies your desires with good things
so that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s.
The Lord works righteousness and justice for all the oppressed –
even those oppressed by their own perfectionism.
He made known his ways to Moses, his deeds to the people of Israel
and to you through His word

The Lord is compassionate and gracious to you,
slow to anger, abounding in love for you.
He will not always accuse, nor will he harbor his anger forever;
He does not treat you as your sins deserve
or repay you according to your iniquities.
When you don’t meet the mark,
He isn’t standing there waiting to punish you.
Instead, He has forgiven you and taken your sin as His own.

For as high as the heavens are above the earth,
so great is his love for you who fear him;
as far as the east is from the west,
so far has he removed your transgressions from you.
As a father has compassion on his children,
so the Lord has compassion on you who fear him;
for He knows how you are formed,
He remembers that you are dust.

God is Near

God reaches down the ladder towards our ever upward striving and gently pries our bloody fingers off the rungs. Jesus extends His compassion – caring intimately for us right where we are. God reaches down, enters in, takes our place. God never intended for our perfectionism to meet the mark. He is mindful of our frame. He knows we are but dust.  

I encourage you to dwell on Psalm 103 this week. Take out your highlighter and go over the parts which speak to your soul. Etch them in your mind. Preach them to your heart. Make your mantra “Cease Striving” … and “Know that I am God.” He fills in the blanks which we can never muster, even on our best of days. He meets every expectation with His unfailing love – the love for sinners like you and me. 


If you missed the first post in this series on Distorted Images of God, you can find it here.  Next week I’ll be writing on The Emotionally Distant God vs. The God of Intimacy and Grace.  The Bible Study by the Ryans is a great resource to help you along.  I would love to hear from you or pray for you.  Share in the comments or on the PattyHScott.com Facebook Page. 

Armours in Tallinn photo by Samuli Lintula

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Filed Under: Spiritual Growth Tagged With: Freedom, grace, hope, overcoming fear, Overcoming guilt, Perfectionism

About Patty

I write to encourage your heart, feed your soul, and give you wisdom for your life. Motherhood is my passion. I've been married to my surfer/skater husband for over 20 years.  We have two boys and a home full of neighbor kids most days.

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Ahhhh … enemies to more. 🔥 The banter is so f Ahhhh … enemies to more. 🔥
The banter is so fun!

Chris and Ella Mae start out getting on one another’s nerves … then, due to completely unexpected circumstances, they end up fake dating … and then they drive one another crazy in a whole different sense of the phrase 😉🥰

Ripped & Shipped comes out early May. I’m about 🤏 close to finishing it and sending it to my editor.

ARC Team sign ups will be coming for ebooks on Saturday (Apr 1). Paperback team is already selected and will be getting a welcome email by this weekend. 

We are going to have so much fun launching this book! I can’t even tell you the feelings I have … wrapping up this first Bordeaux series, writing this story that’s full of heart, and laughs, and kisses that make you grab a glass of ice water and fan yourself. 🔥😘🧊💦🫠

I’m so grateful you’re along for the ride. There aren’t words for the sweetness of sharing the Getting Shipped series with you. 💕

(And I’ve been loosely plotting the next series and getting excited as I start writing the Love Trippin’ books.) 💕

Do you love enemies to lovers?
Fake dating? 
Let me know … 

#wipwednesday #workinprogress #amwritingromance #amwritingromcom
#romcombooks #sweetromcom #closeddoorromance #closeddoorromcom
#savannahscott #savannahscottauthor #bordeauxohio #bordeauxohioforever #newrelease #gettingshipped #gettingshippedseries #lovestories #rippedandshipped #chellamaebae #rippedandshippedbook #bookstagrammers #bookstagram #romcom #romancereadersofinstagram #romcomreadersofinstagram #bookexcerpt #shippers #Imashipper #Smalltownromance #ohiolove #smalltownromancebooks
Okay. So. Yes, we are still waiting for Ripped & Okay. So. 
Yes, we are still waiting for Ripped & Shipped to come out and be in your happy little hands on May 1st. 

But, authors are always (usually) a book ahead of the readers. 

And, this time, I’m a whole series ahead. 

I’m thinking about “Are We There Yet?” It’s the first book in the Love Trippin’ series. 

Four people from Bordeaux (yes!!) are traveling to California where the next series takes place. 

This first book takes place over a road trip (after a few chapters in Bordeaux, and before the later chapters in Cali).

So, I want to plan this road trip!
Im a road-tripper, and I grew up spending summers traveling from state to state with my family. 

I know my road trip stories. 
I want to hear YOURS! 
Leave it in the comments or DM me. 🚗🌳🚧🏔️

I’m not going to use your exact story, of course. But, if your story inspires something in the book, I’ll send you a free sticker and bookmark when “Are We There Yet” releases this summer. 

I’m so excited to share this new series with you!

#lovetrippin #lovetrippinseries #savannahscottauthor #savannahscott #romcombooks #sweetromcom #sweetromance #closeddoorromance #closeddoorromcom #romcombooksaremyweakness #romcomreadersofinstagram #romancereadersofinstagram #bookstagram #roadtrippin #roadtripromance #roadtrippin #arewethereyet #arewethereyetbook
Writing retreat A few days on the central coast. Writing retreat 

A few days on the central coast. 

Views. 
Good food. 
Sweet conversation 
Getting so close to finishing Ripped & Shipped. 

Dreaming about the next series. 
Thinking about how to bless moms and women 

#writingretreat #amwriting #amwritingromance #amwritingromcom #romcomauthor #romcomreadersofinstagram #romancereadersofinstagram #bookstagram #sweetromcom #closeddoorromcom #savannahscott #savannahscottauthor #gettingshipped #gettingshippedseries #cambriacalifornia #centralcoast #slocounty #moonstonebeach
Would the Rob & Laura fans raise your hands? 🙋🏼‍♀️

My husband and I are listening to the audiobook of Battleshipped together right now. It takes us forever because: life. But, it’s been fun to revisit their story. 

If you love a slightly geeky leading man, a strong female lead with a loyal heart and a persevering spirit, Battleshipped is for you. 

If you love second chance romcom with a dash of enemies to more, Battleshipped has all the “working hard to win her heart back” vibes. 

If you love laughing out loud until people look at you funny while you read. Yeah. There are those scenes. 

If you love a found-family friend group, and a quirky small town that will win your heart, come to Bordeaux. 

QOTD: Do you love when a brainy male lead becomes your book boyfriend? Which brainy male characters have stolen your heart? 

#battleshipped #battleshippedbook #bookexcerpt #gettingshipped #gettingshippedseries #savannahscott #savannahscottauthor #smalltownromancebooks #sweetromcom #closeddoorromcom #secondchanceromance #goatsgoatsgoats #bordeauxohio #bookboyfriend #romancereadersofinstagram #romcomreadersofinstagram #ohiolove #bookstagram #bookstagrammers
Is it Wednesday? Um no. No it is not. But, do y Is it Wednesday? 
Um no. No it is not. 

But, do you still want this #WIPWednesday teaser from Ripped & Shipped? Why yes, yes you do. 

I’ll tell y’all. This book is coming along. And it is scrum-diddly-umptious. 

We’re talking banterrrrrr!
And all the swoony enemy vibes. 

And then they start faking! 
What? yasssss. They fake. The enemies start to fake a romance. 

Then … a completely unexpected and sweeeet friendship develops. 

But, ruh-roh. One of them catches feelings (just quoting Duke here). 

And it gets so HOT ( in a very closed-door way) and so HEARTFELT. 

This story is special. It’s the last in Bordeaux. So I’m pouring it all out into this book. 

You’ve got Memaw, Esther, and Mabel. 
The Bordeaux friend group. 
Lulabelle 
Ella Mae
Cooter
And so much more. 

I’m not kidding when I say this may be my fave in series. 

And you know what it means when I say I’m about 3/4 done writing? Yep. I just might release this story in May … ARC Team wannabes, lace up your running shoes. I’ll be posting opportunities to join the few open spots the first week of April. ❤️

Wait til you see the cover, too. Gah. I love it!! 

#rippedandshipped #workinprogress #amwriting
#amwritingromance #amwritingromcom
#romcombooks #sweetromance #sweetromcom
#closeddoorromance #closeddoorromcom
#savannahscott #savannahscottauthor #bordeauxohio
#bordeauxohioforever #bookcoverdesign #newrelease
#ilovemyreaders #gettingshipped
#gettingshippedseries #lovestories
#chellamaebae #comehomeellamae
#rippedandshippedbook #bookstagrammers
#bookstagram #romancereadersofinstagram
#romcomreadersofinstagram #bookexcerpt
Heyyyyy ARC Team! If you were on the ARC team fo Heyyyyy ARC Team! 

If you were on the ARC team for Cruiseshipped, our exclusive ARC Team only book chat is coming!

Tomorrow (Thursday March 23) at 5p PT we’ll be gathering on zoom to talk about Cruiseshipped. 

I’m so grateful to each one of you for reading, sharing, and reviewing Cruiseshipped. ❤️ 

So … mark your calendars and set your alarms (and a countdown is in my stories!) and let’s talk all things Brooks + Gabby ❤️🚢💃🏻

#cruiseshipped #cruiseshippedbook #savannahscott #savannahscottauthor #gettingshipped #gettingshippedseries #arcteamperks #bookchat #buddyread #ilovemyreaders #authorchat
Well, I’m back with another #mememonday and this Well, I’m back with another #mememonday and this one is featuring one of my favorite movies EVER: The Princess Bride!

Which slide do you like best? 

And … aside from posting here today, I’m writing! Ripped & Shipped (Chris’ story) is halfway done! 

I’m on a roll now, and my family is going to an amusement park for the day (without me), so I’m alone with Bella and my laptop. 

Then, this weekend, I’ve got a writing retreat. The final book in the Getting Shipped series is going to be written! 

Not saying we won’t have some novellas down the road … mayyyybe we could. (Who would you want to see in a Getting Shipped novella?)

I hope your Monday is GREAT!!

#bookmemes #bookishmemes #princessbride #asyouwish #amwriting #amwritingromcom #romcomauthor #sweetromcom #closeddoorromcom #romancereadersofinstagram #romcomreadersofinstagram #savannahscottauthor #gettingshipped #rippedandshipped #gettingshippedseries
#mawwage #bookstagram #bookstagrammers #bookishcommunity
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