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Savannah Scott Romcom Author

When God Entered My Manger Heart

December 5, 2018 By Patty 8 Comments

5 Dec

I remember a Thanksgiving weekend about five years ago.  Externally all the trimmings were as they should be.  We went to my mother-in-law’s home, bringing the well-prepared side dish and our cheery holiday faces.  The uneventful day passed pleasantly with our extended family.  Something else was rumbling in my heart.

We came home late that night after two hours on the road, boys already in PJs, completely asleep in the back seat.  After carrying them to their beds, we promptly went to sleep ourselves.  The following day most of the world is off work.  Black Friday is what we call it now, where we shift from gratitude for all we have to a frenzied rush of acquiring more just in time for Christmas.  We didn’t go that route.  My husband went to work while I stayed home with the boys catching up and preparing for Advent.  We met friends at the park mid-day.  

photo courtesy of raul najera

All is not Calm, All is not Bright

By Friday evening I was surely out of sorts despite the external goodness all around me.  Something had been nibbling at my heart since Thanksgiving.  I couldn’t get my unsettled heart to agree with my thankful mind.  I felt a sense of sadness and even some loss of hope — all this in the face of a perfectly wonderful holiday weekend.

Saturday we woke and began getting ready to take the boxes down from the attic to decorate the house for Christmas.  I lay in bed before the preparations, practicing my morning routine of praying before I do anything at all.  Committing the day to God, I asked Him to reign in me and in our home.  I asked Him to help us keep our eyes on Him while we went about decorating. 

Sensing the potential hot spot in my own self, I wanted so very badly to protect this day. I wanted the day, the holiday season, our lives to be full of all that is good. I didn’t want to spoil the moments with any of what was looming over me and in me. A dull sense of slight depression which I could not shake sent a shadow across my mind.

life can feel bleak during a holiday

photo courtesy of josh nutall

A Cavernous Ache

Worse yet was the fact that a dear friend had been so disciplined as to fast for an extended period of time, and she was experiencing great fruit from this discipline.  I found myself comparing my inner feelings to the joy, freedom, and peace she was obviously experiencing.  Though I was glad for her, I couldn’t help simultaneously feeling all the more aware of my own vacuous soul.  The contrast felt bleak. 

I easily acknowledged evidence of God’s existence and His personal care for me and for others, yet I couldn’t feel Him at all.  I looked out the window and saw birds filling our yard and trees, sun streaming through, making patterns across the grass, and I wanted to burst open with thanksgiving.  This was all from Him! 

In silent and intimate places, I felt numb and distant.  I couldn’t achieve a sense of connection.  It was as though someone wrapped me in muslin and then tickled me with a feather.  I could see them tickling, but I had no sensation — or only the faintest perception — and that was so unnerving.

We set up Christmas and had a few moments of tension between us all.  Moods were edgy at times and the more they were, the worse I felt.  I finally retreated into my room and cried out to God, “This is not what I wanted.”  I had tears with my prayer.  “I wanted the picture of what a holiday should be – not this!”  More than anything, I wanted what I thought makes people whole. 

Hoping in all the Trimmings

I wanted my little holiday traditions to be embraced by my family so that they would grow up to love and serve God, and we would be bonded together more completely.  I longed to be a cheery mom with a tray full of goodies and a heart full of unending warmth that just oozes Christmas joy.  What did I get instead?  I felt edgy and disconnected and the whole thing felt more like a chore than a celebration.  My youngest wanted to hang all the ornaments without waiting to put the lights on the tree first.  My eldest kept asking about when he could go play with friends.  Boxes were scattered everywhere and our home felt like a moving day more than a movement of God on earth.  

the holiday Christmas tree

photo courtesy of bruno martins

As I sat in my room, crying out to God, I realized I had hung my hope and joy in all the wrong places.  I trusted in an image of how Christmas should be instead of leaning on the One who makes Christmas all it is meant to be. 

Stepping into the Numbness

That day we were scheduled to sing worship at the homeless ministry downtown.  I felt so blah I couldn’t imagine pulling myself together to go serve.  My prayers rose to God as I asked Him to help me go through the motions without losing Him in the midst.  I am all too familiar with serving out of duty and diligence rather than abiding and letting fruit flow from relationship.  Despite the numbness in my heart, I got in the car with my family.  

We arrived at the canopied area in a park full of people whose whole life is contained in a shopping cart and whose skin resembles a leather shoe.  We love these people, and know many of them by name.  I got busy setting up music stands and testing mikes.  Praise songs came out of a heart recently numb.  I looked at familiar faces — even children in their midst — children who lived on streets or welfare with one parent, whose clothes were threadbare and mismatched.  I looked at eyes bleary from seeing too much of life’s underbelly. All around me I absorbed smiles and hands lifted to our God.  Our God.  He is ours and we are His. 

homeless man being hugged on a holiday

photo courtesy of alpha project

The Joy of Serving

We ended with “I’ll Fly Away.”  I’ll fly away, Oh glory. I’ll fly away.  Just a few more weary days and then, I’ll fly away.  To a land where joy will never end.  I’ll fly away.”  I was beaming — shining from the inside out.

We prayed for many as we distributed groceries gathered in our congregation to give a little something to those who needed so much more.  Like Jesus, we touched as we prayed.  As we lifted our requests to God and we were made small as we looked on our brothers and sisters in these conditions.  My heart could hardly hold the joy of this serving.  I sat with a woman who was in bondage to drugs.  Her children were taken and now, seven years sober, she leads others out of darkness — her daughters restored to her serve alongside me in this ministry.  This is Jesus.  The muslin loosens and I feel the feather.  He made me laugh in places numb.

Meeting Jesus in the Manger

Sometimes expectations and hopes crowd in around the holiday season.  Sometimes we allow them to drag us low.  We want to feel and know.  To be secure and to ensure future goodness.  What we really need is to be undone.  We need to let life be what it is, and to trust that God is with us.  He will not leave nor forsake us — and even the brokenness will be used for good in His loving hands. 

God can enter a manger - and a manger heart

He knew I would be in a funk that year at Thanksgiving time.  Jesus wasn’t blindsided.  He anticipated the crescendo in the middle of Saturday.  He burst through with mercy and goodness in the unexpected moments of praise and service in an obscure park on the other side of town. 

I reached to Him and He met me in my imperfect holiday and my very numb heart.  He entered in — like the babe in the manger, quietly and yet so powerfully.  Where He is, there is always light in darkness.  He still meets us in unexpected and lowly places and awakens us to sing.  

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Filed Under: Parenting, Spiritual Growth Tagged With: Christmas and Advent, Freedom, hope, Perfectionism, prayer, trusting God

About Patty

I write to encourage your heart, feed your soul, and give you wisdom for your life. Motherhood is my passion. I've been married to my surfer/skater husband for over 20 years.  We have two boys and a home full of neighbor kids most days.

« You never have to do your mothering alone
Making room for new things with an end-of-the year purge »

Comments

  1. Karen Moon says

    January 4, 2014 at 8:16 AM

    Another nice one.

    Reply
  2. HeartsHomeward says

    January 4, 2014 at 11:45 AM

    Thank you, Karen! I love that you took time to let me know that this touched you.

    Reply
  3. Dawn Jones says

    December 5, 2018 at 10:11 AM

    What a beautiful reminder, Patty! Love this and you!

    Reply
    • Patty says

      December 5, 2018 at 4:48 PM

      Thank you, Dawn. I love how God reaches past our circumstances (inward or outward) to shine His love right where we need it most. I’ve not always had answers like this one. I’m grateful that He continually leads me – even when I don’t feel Him doing so.

      Reply
  4. Suzy Taylor Oakley says

    December 5, 2018 at 11:18 AM

    The Lord has met me so many times when I was emotionally numb despite all the shininess around me. Often the joy comes in most-unexpected places.

    Thanks for sharing your experience. It reminds me I’m not alone.

    xoxo

    Reply
    • Patty says

      December 5, 2018 at 4:50 PM

      Thanks, Suzy. I have had to wrestle with my emotions not matching my faith so often as I have walked with Him. Partly, I think there is a weaning that He has done – so that I depend upon Him despite my feelings, instead of trusting them so thoroughly. Another blessing I see in hindsight has been the strengthening of my faith when I’ve had to endure waiting for depression or sadness to lift. I know depression comes in all forms. Not everyone is so blessed as to have it broken within a few days of the onset, or to have it come in such a mild form. I do know this. He is with us all – more than we will ever grasp until we see Him after this life.

      Reply
  5. Rosanne says

    December 9, 2018 at 10:52 AM

    This touched me so much! I’ve been going through a time where I know God is working but He is very quiet. I am used to feeling Him in my day to day, and it’s been hard to walk on when I can’t see or hear Him very clearly. This was a lovely reminder to continue to trust in the dark. 🙂

    Reply
    • Patty says

      December 12, 2018 at 2:54 PM

      Rosanne,
      I’m so very grateful you for you sharing this here. I know how it feels – and it is not comfortable. It can actually be quietly excruciating. He is so very real – regardless of our feelings. Sometimes we don’t feel Him (as C.S. Lewis often noted in his allegories and his other talks). It is something I just heard (on audiobook) echoed by Eugene Peterson as he spoke about how we are weaned from the sensation of God’s presence as we mature. It’s not that we never feel Him, but it surely ebbs and flows. You didn’t do anything to bring this on. Hang in, Rosanne. You know that. Much love ~ Patty

      Reply

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Ahhhh … enemies to more. 🔥 The banter is so f Ahhhh … enemies to more. 🔥
The banter is so fun!

Chris and Ella Mae start out getting on one another’s nerves … then, due to completely unexpected circumstances, they end up fake dating … and then they drive one another crazy in a whole different sense of the phrase 😉🥰

Ripped & Shipped comes out early May. I’m about 🤏 close to finishing it and sending it to my editor.

ARC Team sign ups will be coming for ebooks on Saturday (Apr 1). Paperback team is already selected and will be getting a welcome email by this weekend. 

We are going to have so much fun launching this book! I can’t even tell you the feelings I have … wrapping up this first Bordeaux series, writing this story that’s full of heart, and laughs, and kisses that make you grab a glass of ice water and fan yourself. 🔥😘🧊💦🫠

I’m so grateful you’re along for the ride. There aren’t words for the sweetness of sharing the Getting Shipped series with you. 💕

(And I’ve been loosely plotting the next series and getting excited as I start writing the Love Trippin’ books.) 💕

Do you love enemies to lovers?
Fake dating? 
Let me know … 

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#romcombooks #sweetromcom #closeddoorromance #closeddoorromcom
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Okay. So. Yes, we are still waiting for Ripped & Okay. So. 
Yes, we are still waiting for Ripped & Shipped to come out and be in your happy little hands on May 1st. 

But, authors are always (usually) a book ahead of the readers. 

And, this time, I’m a whole series ahead. 

I’m thinking about “Are We There Yet?” It’s the first book in the Love Trippin’ series. 

Four people from Bordeaux (yes!!) are traveling to California where the next series takes place. 

This first book takes place over a road trip (after a few chapters in Bordeaux, and before the later chapters in Cali).

So, I want to plan this road trip!
Im a road-tripper, and I grew up spending summers traveling from state to state with my family. 

I know my road trip stories. 
I want to hear YOURS! 
Leave it in the comments or DM me. 🚗🌳🚧🏔️

I’m not going to use your exact story, of course. But, if your story inspires something in the book, I’ll send you a free sticker and bookmark when “Are We There Yet” releases this summer. 

I’m so excited to share this new series with you!

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Writing retreat A few days on the central coast. Writing retreat 

A few days on the central coast. 

Views. 
Good food. 
Sweet conversation 
Getting so close to finishing Ripped & Shipped. 

Dreaming about the next series. 
Thinking about how to bless moms and women 

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Would the Rob & Laura fans raise your hands? 🙋🏼‍♀️

My husband and I are listening to the audiobook of Battleshipped together right now. It takes us forever because: life. But, it’s been fun to revisit their story. 

If you love a slightly geeky leading man, a strong female lead with a loyal heart and a persevering spirit, Battleshipped is for you. 

If you love second chance romcom with a dash of enemies to more, Battleshipped has all the “working hard to win her heart back” vibes. 

If you love laughing out loud until people look at you funny while you read. Yeah. There are those scenes. 

If you love a found-family friend group, and a quirky small town that will win your heart, come to Bordeaux. 

QOTD: Do you love when a brainy male lead becomes your book boyfriend? Which brainy male characters have stolen your heart? 

#battleshipped #battleshippedbook #bookexcerpt #gettingshipped #gettingshippedseries #savannahscott #savannahscottauthor #smalltownromancebooks #sweetromcom #closeddoorromcom #secondchanceromance #goatsgoatsgoats #bordeauxohio #bookboyfriend #romancereadersofinstagram #romcomreadersofinstagram #ohiolove #bookstagram #bookstagrammers
Is it Wednesday? Um no. No it is not. But, do y Is it Wednesday? 
Um no. No it is not. 

But, do you still want this #WIPWednesday teaser from Ripped & Shipped? Why yes, yes you do. 

I’ll tell y’all. This book is coming along. And it is scrum-diddly-umptious. 

We’re talking banterrrrrr!
And all the swoony enemy vibes. 

And then they start faking! 
What? yasssss. They fake. The enemies start to fake a romance. 

Then … a completely unexpected and sweeeet friendship develops. 

But, ruh-roh. One of them catches feelings (just quoting Duke here). 

And it gets so HOT ( in a very closed-door way) and so HEARTFELT. 

This story is special. It’s the last in Bordeaux. So I’m pouring it all out into this book. 

You’ve got Memaw, Esther, and Mabel. 
The Bordeaux friend group. 
Lulabelle 
Ella Mae
Cooter
And so much more. 

I’m not kidding when I say this may be my fave in series. 

And you know what it means when I say I’m about 3/4 done writing? Yep. I just might release this story in May … ARC Team wannabes, lace up your running shoes. I’ll be posting opportunities to join the few open spots the first week of April. ❤️

Wait til you see the cover, too. Gah. I love it!! 

#rippedandshipped #workinprogress #amwriting
#amwritingromance #amwritingromcom
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Heyyyyy ARC Team! If you were on the ARC team fo Heyyyyy ARC Team! 

If you were on the ARC team for Cruiseshipped, our exclusive ARC Team only book chat is coming!

Tomorrow (Thursday March 23) at 5p PT we’ll be gathering on zoom to talk about Cruiseshipped. 

I’m so grateful to each one of you for reading, sharing, and reviewing Cruiseshipped. ❤️ 

So … mark your calendars and set your alarms (and a countdown is in my stories!) and let’s talk all things Brooks + Gabby ❤️🚢💃🏻

#cruiseshipped #cruiseshippedbook #savannahscott #savannahscottauthor #gettingshipped #gettingshippedseries #arcteamperks #bookchat #buddyread #ilovemyreaders #authorchat
Well, I’m back with another #mememonday and this Well, I’m back with another #mememonday and this one is featuring one of my favorite movies EVER: The Princess Bride!

Which slide do you like best? 

And … aside from posting here today, I’m writing! Ripped & Shipped (Chris’ story) is halfway done! 

I’m on a roll now, and my family is going to an amusement park for the day (without me), so I’m alone with Bella and my laptop. 

Then, this weekend, I’ve got a writing retreat. The final book in the Getting Shipped series is going to be written! 

Not saying we won’t have some novellas down the road … mayyyybe we could. (Who would you want to see in a Getting Shipped novella?)

I hope your Monday is GREAT!!

#bookmemes #bookishmemes #princessbride #asyouwish #amwriting #amwritingromcom #romcomauthor #sweetromcom #closeddoorromcom #romancereadersofinstagram #romcomreadersofinstagram #savannahscottauthor #gettingshipped #rippedandshipped #gettingshippedseries
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