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Savannah Scott Romcom Author

How the buddy system can actually make you a better mom

February 5, 2018 By Patty 6 Comments

5 Feb

I watched the children parading through the lobby.  As they walked by, the teacher said, “Make sure you are holding onto your buddy’s hand.”  The older I get, the more precious the sight of a gaggle of preschoolers becomes to me.  Years ago there was a poem, “Everything I needed to know,  I learned in kindergarten.”  As I treasured these sweet ones walking by, I began considering lessons we learn at these early ages.  Even this very simple precept, with its initial teachings in early years, takes us a lifetime to perfect:

The buddy system.

buddy system 2

 

We need one another

The reminder of this need became more apparent to me during a retreat I took with the women from my church.  During the retreat we focused on the verses in the New Testament calling us to “love one another,” “serve one another,” and “bear one another’s burdens in love.”  We drank from the Word like thirsty people after a long walk on a hot day and we were filled.

Parenting is one place the buddy system is needed in spades.  Though some of us are forced into situations where we must “single-parent,” not one of us should ever parent alone. 

You need your opposite

My husband and I have radically different personalities.  Go figure.  I’m the Type-A, driven, planner who keeps one foot on the ground and the other envisioning life as it might be.  He is the pragmatic, calm, wise and systematic one who helps ground me and takes things more as they come.  In parenting we found our natural leanings to be different as well.  While I more easily give a consequence for unacceptable behavior, he usually wants to talk through situations and assess the best way to shape their hearts. 

Neither of us is innately wrong.  There is a time for talking and for connecting heartstrings.  There are other times for logical consequences which cause children to rethink their course.  We’ve had to work through our different approaches and study parenting experts {as well as getting to know each of our children more intimately} so that we can parent the best way possible. 

buddy system 4 with dog

Despite our differences, we desperately need one another as we parent.  Not only do we need our partner – a gift from God to us, and often a gift to our children as we balance one another and give one another perspective in difficult situations – but we also need our friends and mentors. 

 

Parenting in the teen years

We are knee-deep in the full-blown tumult of teenage years with our oldest.  Everything we knew up until now must be reevaluated and definitely recalibrated. The adolescent years come with their own set of developmental needs.  Our son now is in the process of preparing to launch into independence.  While our parenting in his earlier years was focused on him at home, these days we see the time together under the same roof drawing to a close and we want to make sure he is equipped to go out on his own successfully.  He is road testing our values and all we have poured into him. 

Someone once told me children are sponges until around age 10 when they begin to test out all they have taken in up to that point.  I’m nodding my head to that wisdom {and it causes me all the more intentional about pouring into our youngest before he hits that milestone}.  Of course, we can take in new learning throughout our lives, but during the teen years, the doors to new teaching are less open than they were earlier in life. 

buddy system 4b

I have said it before and will keep echoing that my son is a treasure.  He’s got way more on the ball than I ever did at his age.  Still, he’s growing up in a world where technology is booming.  The access to crud on the internet is overwhelming, {and you don’t have to seek it out, it will come uninvited}.  His peers are making all sorts of choices, some of them positive, some of them destructive.  He has to decide where he lands in all of this.  Meanwhile, we walk the fine line between setting healthy parameters and giving him enough room to test his wings. 

 

Other moms as buddies

As I sat with a group of moms around a table for lunch, the subject of cell phones came up.  We discussed pros and cons, experiences our families had lived through and concerns we share.  Other teens impact our children.  How should we respond?   Throughout this difficult discussion, I couldn’t help but feel grateful to have like-minded friends navigating the hard roads of motherhood with me.  As I got up from the table, I felt a bit lighter.  

We continually revisit the parameters for screen use at our home.  Our generation faces the uncharted burden of navigating the internet and social media with our children.  In years gone by, a teen had to go out seeking porn or had to talk face-to-face with others to engage in conversation.  With the advent of cell phones, internet and Wi-Fi hotspots at every gas station, coffee shop and grocery, the darkness and allure can reach our teens directly – even when they aren’t initially seeking it out. 

 

God is with us

Sitting with these other moms, I felt the power of camaraderie.  The buddy system means we never go it alone.  God provided us the gift of support.  In Ecclesiastes 4:9-12, the wisest man in the world explains the necessity and beauty of companionship: 

Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor:
If either of them falls down, one can help the other up.
But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up.
Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm.
But how can one keep warm alone?

Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves.
A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.

All the way through this passage God is talking about two being better than one.  In the end, He mentions the cord of three strands.  He, Himself, is the third strand.  We need one another to parent well.  Most of all, we need Him in our midst.  Don’t go this parenting journey alone.  Grab onto your buddy and walk the road together. 

buddy system 6

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Filed Under: Parenting

About Patty

I write to encourage your heart, feed your soul, and give you wisdom for your life. Motherhood is my passion. I've been married to my surfer/skater husband for over 20 years.  We have two boys and a home full of neighbor kids most days.

« How I found my voice in the silence
When you are longing for a mommy do-over »

Comments

  1. Kathryn says

    February 6, 2018 at 12:18 PM

    You are so right about needing two parents with different outlooks and methods to balance out the challenges of parenting! I am so grateful for my hubby’s strengths and our differences.

    Reply
    • Patty says

      February 6, 2018 at 3:26 PM

      Kathryn, You have wisdom! I just wrote another post about that recently. The longer I parent with my husband, the more I realize how he is a gift to our family and me. Sometimes we can wish people were different, but in our best moments, we are grateful for the way God blesses us through the balance between us. So glad you were here at PattyHScott.com. Come back anytime.

      Reply
  2. Jordan says

    February 6, 2018 at 2:41 PM

    This is amazing and so true! It’s like the saying, “it takes a village”! ❤️

    Reply
    • Patty says

      February 6, 2018 at 3:23 PM

      Thanks, Jordan! I’m so glad it resonated with you. We so need one another.

      Reply
  3. lisakaastra says

    February 7, 2018 at 12:04 PM

    All the yes! I’m a FTM coming to the end of the first year… and this is SO true, even in my limited time as a mama. Great reminder! <3

    Reply
    • Patty says

      February 7, 2018 at 12:59 PM

      Yes, Lisa! So needed. You might appreciate my post on Finding Quiet time (How I found my voice in the silence) about how to get moments alone as a young mom. I’m glad you popped by PattyHScott.com. You are welcome back anytime.

      Reply

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Ahhhh … enemies to more. 🔥 The banter is so f Ahhhh … enemies to more. 🔥
The banter is so fun!

Chris and Ella Mae start out getting on one another’s nerves … then, due to completely unexpected circumstances, they end up fake dating … and then they drive one another crazy in a whole different sense of the phrase 😉🥰

Ripped & Shipped comes out early May. I’m about 🤏 close to finishing it and sending it to my editor.

ARC Team sign ups will be coming for ebooks on Saturday (Apr 1). Paperback team is already selected and will be getting a welcome email by this weekend. 

We are going to have so much fun launching this book! I can’t even tell you the feelings I have … wrapping up this first Bordeaux series, writing this story that’s full of heart, and laughs, and kisses that make you grab a glass of ice water and fan yourself. 🔥😘🧊💦🫠

I’m so grateful you’re along for the ride. There aren’t words for the sweetness of sharing the Getting Shipped series with you. 💕

(And I’ve been loosely plotting the next series and getting excited as I start writing the Love Trippin’ books.) 💕

Do you love enemies to lovers?
Fake dating? 
Let me know … 

#wipwednesday #workinprogress #amwritingromance #amwritingromcom
#romcombooks #sweetromcom #closeddoorromance #closeddoorromcom
#savannahscott #savannahscottauthor #bordeauxohio #bordeauxohioforever #newrelease #gettingshipped #gettingshippedseries #lovestories #rippedandshipped #chellamaebae #rippedandshippedbook #bookstagrammers #bookstagram #romcom #romancereadersofinstagram #romcomreadersofinstagram #bookexcerpt #shippers #Imashipper #Smalltownromance #ohiolove #smalltownromancebooks
Okay. So. Yes, we are still waiting for Ripped & Okay. So. 
Yes, we are still waiting for Ripped & Shipped to come out and be in your happy little hands on May 1st. 

But, authors are always (usually) a book ahead of the readers. 

And, this time, I’m a whole series ahead. 

I’m thinking about “Are We There Yet?” It’s the first book in the Love Trippin’ series. 

Four people from Bordeaux (yes!!) are traveling to California where the next series takes place. 

This first book takes place over a road trip (after a few chapters in Bordeaux, and before the later chapters in Cali).

So, I want to plan this road trip!
Im a road-tripper, and I grew up spending summers traveling from state to state with my family. 

I know my road trip stories. 
I want to hear YOURS! 
Leave it in the comments or DM me. 🚗🌳🚧🏔️

I’m not going to use your exact story, of course. But, if your story inspires something in the book, I’ll send you a free sticker and bookmark when “Are We There Yet” releases this summer. 

I’m so excited to share this new series with you!

#lovetrippin #lovetrippinseries #savannahscottauthor #savannahscott #romcombooks #sweetromcom #sweetromance #closeddoorromance #closeddoorromcom #romcombooksaremyweakness #romcomreadersofinstagram #romancereadersofinstagram #bookstagram #roadtrippin #roadtripromance #roadtrippin #arewethereyet #arewethereyetbook
Writing retreat A few days on the central coast. Writing retreat 

A few days on the central coast. 

Views. 
Good food. 
Sweet conversation 
Getting so close to finishing Ripped & Shipped. 

Dreaming about the next series. 
Thinking about how to bless moms and women 

#writingretreat #amwriting #amwritingromance #amwritingromcom #romcomauthor #romcomreadersofinstagram #romancereadersofinstagram #bookstagram #sweetromcom #closeddoorromcom #savannahscott #savannahscottauthor #gettingshipped #gettingshippedseries #cambriacalifornia #centralcoast #slocounty #moonstonebeach
Would the Rob & Laura fans raise your hands? 🙋🏼‍♀️

My husband and I are listening to the audiobook of Battleshipped together right now. It takes us forever because: life. But, it’s been fun to revisit their story. 

If you love a slightly geeky leading man, a strong female lead with a loyal heart and a persevering spirit, Battleshipped is for you. 

If you love second chance romcom with a dash of enemies to more, Battleshipped has all the “working hard to win her heart back” vibes. 

If you love laughing out loud until people look at you funny while you read. Yeah. There are those scenes. 

If you love a found-family friend group, and a quirky small town that will win your heart, come to Bordeaux. 

QOTD: Do you love when a brainy male lead becomes your book boyfriend? Which brainy male characters have stolen your heart? 

#battleshipped #battleshippedbook #bookexcerpt #gettingshipped #gettingshippedseries #savannahscott #savannahscottauthor #smalltownromancebooks #sweetromcom #closeddoorromcom #secondchanceromance #goatsgoatsgoats #bordeauxohio #bookboyfriend #romancereadersofinstagram #romcomreadersofinstagram #ohiolove #bookstagram #bookstagrammers
Is it Wednesday? Um no. No it is not. But, do y Is it Wednesday? 
Um no. No it is not. 

But, do you still want this #WIPWednesday teaser from Ripped & Shipped? Why yes, yes you do. 

I’ll tell y’all. This book is coming along. And it is scrum-diddly-umptious. 

We’re talking banterrrrrr!
And all the swoony enemy vibes. 

And then they start faking! 
What? yasssss. They fake. The enemies start to fake a romance. 

Then … a completely unexpected and sweeeet friendship develops. 

But, ruh-roh. One of them catches feelings (just quoting Duke here). 

And it gets so HOT ( in a very closed-door way) and so HEARTFELT. 

This story is special. It’s the last in Bordeaux. So I’m pouring it all out into this book. 

You’ve got Memaw, Esther, and Mabel. 
The Bordeaux friend group. 
Lulabelle 
Ella Mae
Cooter
And so much more. 

I’m not kidding when I say this may be my fave in series. 

And you know what it means when I say I’m about 3/4 done writing? Yep. I just might release this story in May … ARC Team wannabes, lace up your running shoes. I’ll be posting opportunities to join the few open spots the first week of April. ❤️

Wait til you see the cover, too. Gah. I love it!! 

#rippedandshipped #workinprogress #amwriting
#amwritingromance #amwritingromcom
#romcombooks #sweetromance #sweetromcom
#closeddoorromance #closeddoorromcom
#savannahscott #savannahscottauthor #bordeauxohio
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Heyyyyy ARC Team! If you were on the ARC team fo Heyyyyy ARC Team! 

If you were on the ARC team for Cruiseshipped, our exclusive ARC Team only book chat is coming!

Tomorrow (Thursday March 23) at 5p PT we’ll be gathering on zoom to talk about Cruiseshipped. 

I’m so grateful to each one of you for reading, sharing, and reviewing Cruiseshipped. ❤️ 

So … mark your calendars and set your alarms (and a countdown is in my stories!) and let’s talk all things Brooks + Gabby ❤️🚢💃🏻

#cruiseshipped #cruiseshippedbook #savannahscott #savannahscottauthor #gettingshipped #gettingshippedseries #arcteamperks #bookchat #buddyread #ilovemyreaders #authorchat
Well, I’m back with another #mememonday and this Well, I’m back with another #mememonday and this one is featuring one of my favorite movies EVER: The Princess Bride!

Which slide do you like best? 

And … aside from posting here today, I’m writing! Ripped & Shipped (Chris’ story) is halfway done! 

I’m on a roll now, and my family is going to an amusement park for the day (without me), so I’m alone with Bella and my laptop. 

Then, this weekend, I’ve got a writing retreat. The final book in the Getting Shipped series is going to be written! 

Not saying we won’t have some novellas down the road … mayyyybe we could. (Who would you want to see in a Getting Shipped novella?)

I hope your Monday is GREAT!!

#bookmemes #bookishmemes #princessbride #asyouwish #amwriting #amwritingromcom #romcomauthor #sweetromcom #closeddoorromcom #romancereadersofinstagram #romcomreadersofinstagram #savannahscottauthor #gettingshipped #rippedandshipped #gettingshippedseries
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