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Savannah Scott Romcom Author

The most surprising things I learned parenting my almost teenager

January 16, 2014 By Patty Leave a Comment

16 Jan

Recently on Facebook a friend commented that no one blogs about raising a teenager.  Well, here goes. I’m not really a parent of a teen – yet.  I have a twelve year old {darling, beloved} son who is testing the waters of pre-adolescence. He is inadvertently taking me and my husband through a bit of a necessary bootcamp. I didn’t realize how deeply we needed to hone our parenting skills for this new stage.

Adapt to the Teenage Season of Parenting

I have always seen this truth about parenting.  Just when I get a method or approach “nailed” my children grow and throw me for a loop. It is how it should be. I am kept on my knees, seeking God.  I am kept on my toes, watching my children for cues and clues as to what they need as I learn how to best care for them. Parenthood is a constant growing and stretching experience.

Here’s what it’s like these days:  My son, some days will be as pleasant as ever, witty, bright, kind and dynamic. It is like going on a scenic Sunday drive — I love the view and I enjoy the ride. Then, other days, he wakes up grouchy or something hits him the wrong way, hormones spark and he is volatile, confused, frustrated and edgy. All of a sudden, without standing in line, I am on a roller coaster with dips and dives. Like that roller coaster ride, all I can do is hold on, scream (inwardly I hope), and remind myself this is temporary and the world will right itself when the ride is over.  Most days are still Sunday driving, but those loop-de-doos can be doozies!

We can survive - and even thrive - as we parent our teens. Here are three keys to help. photo courtesy of stephen hateley on unsplash

Stay True to Yourself

What I learned a long time ago in parenting is more true than ever. My aim is to be a person of kindness and integrity. I want to exude the fruit of the Spirit regardless of what my children are doing. Let me assure you that is sometimes more of a goal and a vision than a reality, but overall I aim to remember and live out verses like, “Let your gentleness be evident to all, for the Lord is near.”  I want to be a gentle mother. When I remember the actual nearness of the Lord and let His presence both calm and empower me, gentleness is a natural byproduct.

I have seen, though, that I can focus sort-of “beyond” my children and their behavior to my goal in how I want to be and respond and it helps. No matter what curve balls they throw (intentionally or not), I can be the type of person I want to be. That inner stability helps the whole home remain calm — even when they escalate. I am growing in this — taking time alone in my room helps when I feel I am going to pop a jugular. If I walk away and calm down, I am able to regroup and remember what type of mom I want to be and what types of responses I want to give.

Say Yes to Your Teenager As Often As Possible

Beyond that, I am remembering this wisdom I heard once from Chuck Swindoll. He said, when speaking of a good parenting philosophy, “My wife and I try to say ‘yes’ whenever possible.” I like that approach. There are plenty of times we have to say “no.” In the teen years those both increase and decrease. My child (now almost teen) has to figure out some answers on his own and try out independence and choice-making under our helpful and watchful eyes. That means some of the limits we had in earlier years are lifted at this age.

We need to choose yes and no answers well for our teenagers

photo courtesy of daria tumanova on unsplash

Still, we have to say “no” to a number of other things because his horizons are expanding and he is in yet another phase of what kids do when they grow: testing limits. One of the most uncomfortable aspects of my mothering right now is saying, “no” a lot more than I want to say it. 

How to Say No To a Teenager

A friend and I were talking through what it means to say, “no,” and stand by the no answer.  It is a pretty cut and dry concept on paper. When it comes to living out our boundaries and limits, we can end up wanting to give mercy to our children. We don’t want to see them suffer when they are contrite after making a mistake or having an outburst of disrespect. Sometimes we are just plain sick of the inconvenience of holding the line and having to dole out consequences, especially when the consequence costs us as much as it does our child. So, sometimes we waffle. Inconsistency costs us so much in the way of credibility. With a teenager, we can’t afford to be wishy-washy. 

I am seeing the need to be really sure about my “no” answers before I give them.  I need to choose carefully as my decisions will often be challenged. As parents of teens, we need to pick our battles well. It’s also important to allow our teenager (or pre-teen) to express thoughts and questions in an appropriate and respectful way.

More than ever I am seeing the true application of Jesus’ words. I need to let my “no” be “no”.  It is both loving and predictable when my children see me being consistent. Isn’t that a reflection of God? He is both loving and predictable, but sometimes has to say “no” to us for our own good?

There is hope as we parent our teenager

photo courtesy of matheus ferrero on unsplash

Hope for You as You Parent Your Teenager

Parenting a teenager doesn’t have to be disastrous. This stage of motherhood isn’t all trials and woes. I delight in the person my son is and the person he is becoming. Even when he hits big challenges or chooses poorly, I can remind myself of a key truth. I’m not responsible for his decisions, only for my actions and reactions in his life.

I’m on a steep learning curve. I hope the lessons I am sharing here will spare us all a lot of heartache along the way. 

What wisdom have you gleaned from parenting your teenagers or pre-teens?  I’d love to hear from you too.

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Filed Under: Parenting Tagged With: Healthy Boundaries, parenting teens, parenting tips

About Patty

I write to encourage your heart, feed your soul, and give you wisdom for your life. Motherhood is my passion. I've been married to my surfer/skater husband for over 20 years.  We have two boys and a home full of neighbor kids most days.

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Ahhhh … enemies to more. 🔥 The banter is so f Ahhhh … enemies to more. 🔥
The banter is so fun!

Chris and Ella Mae start out getting on one another’s nerves … then, due to completely unexpected circumstances, they end up fake dating … and then they drive one another crazy in a whole different sense of the phrase 😉🥰

Ripped & Shipped comes out early May. I’m about 🤏 close to finishing it and sending it to my editor.

ARC Team sign ups will be coming for ebooks on Saturday (Apr 1). Paperback team is already selected and will be getting a welcome email by this weekend. 

We are going to have so much fun launching this book! I can’t even tell you the feelings I have … wrapping up this first Bordeaux series, writing this story that’s full of heart, and laughs, and kisses that make you grab a glass of ice water and fan yourself. 🔥😘🧊💦🫠

I’m so grateful you’re along for the ride. There aren’t words for the sweetness of sharing the Getting Shipped series with you. 💕

(And I’ve been loosely plotting the next series and getting excited as I start writing the Love Trippin’ books.) 💕

Do you love enemies to lovers?
Fake dating? 
Let me know … 

#wipwednesday #workinprogress #amwritingromance #amwritingromcom
#romcombooks #sweetromcom #closeddoorromance #closeddoorromcom
#savannahscott #savannahscottauthor #bordeauxohio #bordeauxohioforever #newrelease #gettingshipped #gettingshippedseries #lovestories #rippedandshipped #chellamaebae #rippedandshippedbook #bookstagrammers #bookstagram #romcom #romancereadersofinstagram #romcomreadersofinstagram #bookexcerpt #shippers #Imashipper #Smalltownromance #ohiolove #smalltownromancebooks
Okay. So. Yes, we are still waiting for Ripped & Okay. So. 
Yes, we are still waiting for Ripped & Shipped to come out and be in your happy little hands on May 1st. 

But, authors are always (usually) a book ahead of the readers. 

And, this time, I’m a whole series ahead. 

I’m thinking about “Are We There Yet?” It’s the first book in the Love Trippin’ series. 

Four people from Bordeaux (yes!!) are traveling to California where the next series takes place. 

This first book takes place over a road trip (after a few chapters in Bordeaux, and before the later chapters in Cali).

So, I want to plan this road trip!
Im a road-tripper, and I grew up spending summers traveling from state to state with my family. 

I know my road trip stories. 
I want to hear YOURS! 
Leave it in the comments or DM me. 🚗🌳🚧🏔️

I’m not going to use your exact story, of course. But, if your story inspires something in the book, I’ll send you a free sticker and bookmark when “Are We There Yet” releases this summer. 

I’m so excited to share this new series with you!

#lovetrippin #lovetrippinseries #savannahscottauthor #savannahscott #romcombooks #sweetromcom #sweetromance #closeddoorromance #closeddoorromcom #romcombooksaremyweakness #romcomreadersofinstagram #romancereadersofinstagram #bookstagram #roadtrippin #roadtripromance #roadtrippin #arewethereyet #arewethereyetbook
Writing retreat A few days on the central coast. Writing retreat 

A few days on the central coast. 

Views. 
Good food. 
Sweet conversation 
Getting so close to finishing Ripped & Shipped. 

Dreaming about the next series. 
Thinking about how to bless moms and women 

#writingretreat #amwriting #amwritingromance #amwritingromcom #romcomauthor #romcomreadersofinstagram #romancereadersofinstagram #bookstagram #sweetromcom #closeddoorromcom #savannahscott #savannahscottauthor #gettingshipped #gettingshippedseries #cambriacalifornia #centralcoast #slocounty #moonstonebeach
Would the Rob & Laura fans raise your hands? 🙋🏼‍♀️

My husband and I are listening to the audiobook of Battleshipped together right now. It takes us forever because: life. But, it’s been fun to revisit their story. 

If you love a slightly geeky leading man, a strong female lead with a loyal heart and a persevering spirit, Battleshipped is for you. 

If you love second chance romcom with a dash of enemies to more, Battleshipped has all the “working hard to win her heart back” vibes. 

If you love laughing out loud until people look at you funny while you read. Yeah. There are those scenes. 

If you love a found-family friend group, and a quirky small town that will win your heart, come to Bordeaux. 

QOTD: Do you love when a brainy male lead becomes your book boyfriend? Which brainy male characters have stolen your heart? 

#battleshipped #battleshippedbook #bookexcerpt #gettingshipped #gettingshippedseries #savannahscott #savannahscottauthor #smalltownromancebooks #sweetromcom #closeddoorromcom #secondchanceromance #goatsgoatsgoats #bordeauxohio #bookboyfriend #romancereadersofinstagram #romcomreadersofinstagram #ohiolove #bookstagram #bookstagrammers
Is it Wednesday? Um no. No it is not. But, do y Is it Wednesday? 
Um no. No it is not. 

But, do you still want this #WIPWednesday teaser from Ripped & Shipped? Why yes, yes you do. 

I’ll tell y’all. This book is coming along. And it is scrum-diddly-umptious. 

We’re talking banterrrrrr!
And all the swoony enemy vibes. 

And then they start faking! 
What? yasssss. They fake. The enemies start to fake a romance. 

Then … a completely unexpected and sweeeet friendship develops. 

But, ruh-roh. One of them catches feelings (just quoting Duke here). 

And it gets so HOT ( in a very closed-door way) and so HEARTFELT. 

This story is special. It’s the last in Bordeaux. So I’m pouring it all out into this book. 

You’ve got Memaw, Esther, and Mabel. 
The Bordeaux friend group. 
Lulabelle 
Ella Mae
Cooter
And so much more. 

I’m not kidding when I say this may be my fave in series. 

And you know what it means when I say I’m about 3/4 done writing? Yep. I just might release this story in May … ARC Team wannabes, lace up your running shoes. I’ll be posting opportunities to join the few open spots the first week of April. ❤️

Wait til you see the cover, too. Gah. I love it!! 

#rippedandshipped #workinprogress #amwriting
#amwritingromance #amwritingromcom
#romcombooks #sweetromance #sweetromcom
#closeddoorromance #closeddoorromcom
#savannahscott #savannahscottauthor #bordeauxohio
#bordeauxohioforever #bookcoverdesign #newrelease
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#chellamaebae #comehomeellamae
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#bookstagram #romancereadersofinstagram
#romcomreadersofinstagram #bookexcerpt
Heyyyyy ARC Team! If you were on the ARC team fo Heyyyyy ARC Team! 

If you were on the ARC team for Cruiseshipped, our exclusive ARC Team only book chat is coming!

Tomorrow (Thursday March 23) at 5p PT we’ll be gathering on zoom to talk about Cruiseshipped. 

I’m so grateful to each one of you for reading, sharing, and reviewing Cruiseshipped. ❤️ 

So … mark your calendars and set your alarms (and a countdown is in my stories!) and let’s talk all things Brooks + Gabby ❤️🚢💃🏻

#cruiseshipped #cruiseshippedbook #savannahscott #savannahscottauthor #gettingshipped #gettingshippedseries #arcteamperks #bookchat #buddyread #ilovemyreaders #authorchat
Well, I’m back with another #mememonday and this Well, I’m back with another #mememonday and this one is featuring one of my favorite movies EVER: The Princess Bride!

Which slide do you like best? 

And … aside from posting here today, I’m writing! Ripped & Shipped (Chris’ story) is halfway done! 

I’m on a roll now, and my family is going to an amusement park for the day (without me), so I’m alone with Bella and my laptop. 

Then, this weekend, I’ve got a writing retreat. The final book in the Getting Shipped series is going to be written! 

Not saying we won’t have some novellas down the road … mayyyybe we could. (Who would you want to see in a Getting Shipped novella?)

I hope your Monday is GREAT!!

#bookmemes #bookishmemes #princessbride #asyouwish #amwriting #amwritingromcom #romcomauthor #sweetromcom #closeddoorromcom #romancereadersofinstagram #romcomreadersofinstagram #savannahscottauthor #gettingshipped #rippedandshipped #gettingshippedseries
#mawwage #bookstagram #bookstagrammers #bookishcommunity
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